"Sparks of Gratitude, Creating Deeper Connection With Those We Love" with Randy Sparks

Randy Sparks, a man of many talents, joins us this week on the Gentleman Project Podcast, sharing his journey through, parenting, and the extraordinary 'superpowers' of his children. We uncover the threads of deep connection within our men's group, his latest podcast venture, and the extraordinary effects of gratitude in his parenting journey. 

We discuss how a disciplined practice of gratitude can reshape our struggles into stepping stones. We hear the stories of distributing thousands of gratitude journals to embracing a significant career change and how gratitude made all the difference for Randy and his family.

Randy tells us about some of their family traditions that they use to deepen their family relationships and build memories. 

You'll be glad to get to know Randy and learn from him. Check out his podcast "Sparks of Gratitude" on all podcast platforms as well! 

Check out the show on any of your favorite platforms and give us a like and follow if you like our content!

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hi, I'm Corey Moore.

Speaker 2: 0:02

Welcome to the Gentleman Project Podcast and I'm Kirk Chug. Today, randy Sparks joins us in a podcast studio. Randy and I have got to know each other over the past year and a half, probably At least. It was right after COVID I was invited to be part of a men's group, which you may have heard of. We've had Brian Hurd and Curtis Morley from the same men's group and this group of guys is the type of people that you want to hang out with and Randy has always stood out to me as one of those guys that I want to learn from. And we've been able to kind of connect outside of the men's group and he started a podcast recently and we were able to kind of share some knowledge.

Speaker 2: 0:42

And as I've got to know Randy more and more, I think that he has a gift to share with the world. You'll learn what that is today through his podcast, what he talks about and the way he makes people feel when he's with them. I think we've got a lot to learn. So welcome, randy. You're an amazing dude, glad you could join us today, excited to be with you guys. He looks like a rock star because he is. He's a uh, he's a shredder. He plays the electric guitar, as for years and years, and we nobody knew this about randy in the men's group until he posted a video I don't know how you guys didn't know that, but I don't know.

Speaker 2: 1:22

You were apparently super famous and we just didn't know it. But the dude can still shred, so that started a long time ago.

Speaker 3: 1:30

You've been doing that for a while oh, since I was a kid, I used to steal my brother's van halen records when I was five years old this is in maybe 1980, 81 and oh, it just made me feel something inside. I just love it so much. I love anything where you crank a guitar amp to 11 and just let it scream, but I also love the soft stuff. But there's just something about that that's just got a place in my heart.

Speaker 1: 1:54

So did your kids get into that at all? Did you pass that on to the next generation?

Speaker 3: 1:58

nope, no, um, no, although my son did build my son max, he's 17, he's awesome school. They had a project in one of their wood classes and he built a replica of Eddie Van Halen's first Frankenstein guitar when it was still the black and white stripe. Anyway, any any Van Halen nerds out there know what I'm talking about, so he obviously has some kind of appreciation and it hangs on his wall.

Speaker 3: 2:20

He's not really a player, but he built it and I'm working on some guitar build projects. This is a new thing for me. And he says, Dad, can we buy me a kit? And he wants to build a Telecaster. And so I'm going to get him a kit and we'll build a guitar together. It's going to be fun.

Speaker 1: 2:34

Oh yeah, that sounds like a really great father-son thing.

Speaker 3: 2:37

So how many kids do you have? Three kids, Um, 17,. Max is 17. Um, he's a senior. He went to his prom this weekend with his, with his cute girl, and um, oh man, he's going to kill me. But he had his first kiss a couple of weeks ago and he knew that this, dad was his first high five since he was a little kid. We knew that. All right, dude, you know when this happens, you know what to do. He walks in with his hand up just waiting for the high five, and I'm like yes, it's happened.

Speaker 2: 3:06

He told us that that's amazing.

Speaker 3: 3:08

Oh, it was the best. I was so excited for him.

Speaker 2: 3:11

That's cool. So you've got a 17 year old son.

Speaker 3: 3:13

Oh yeah, we're talking about kids, yeah, and I got a 15 year old daughter. Um, she's named Penelope. She goes by Penny, but I think Penelope is the most beautiful name ever and so that's what I call her. And her mind is like like Lewis Carroll has nothing on Penelope Sparks, the, the imagination that's happening inside her mind and it, it tortures and blesses her in the most amazing ways of of the creativity that just spills through. That that's her superpower. Superpower, max's superpower is he, is, he feels you, he is just the sweetest, most loving kid and he, just he. He really is a tender heart and he feels and loves hard. And then my youngest daughter. We had a gap, six-year gap. She's eva, eva is her name, and she's nine. And her superpower is she makes friends with everybody fast and she knows everybody's name, every kid in her whole school, in every class, in every age, and their parents. She knows them all well. She's just friends with everybody, not afraid of anything or anybody so I love how you talk about your kids.

Speaker 1: 4:25

They're superpowers and this is who they are and they're going to. I'm sure you tell them that now, but they're going to look back on this podcast someday and listen to this and their dad talking about them and that's going to be cool.

Speaker 3: 4:36

I hope so. I hope they know that.

Speaker 3: 4:38

I'm sure they can tell that you've this isn't the first time you've talked about them in that way. No, it's true In fact. Um, with my son oh, this is a story I'm probably I might start crying about this. Um, I imagined, uh, I think about being a dad and when I've got one of my kids that needs my attention, um, I kind of go all in. But then I worry that the one that's just doing great, like they've got it, they're fine. And I just really started feeling the other day.

Speaker 3: 5:09

I'm like I think I've been given a lot of attention to my daughters recently, you know, over the last couple of years, with some, you know, unique challenges or things that have come along along the way, and Max has just been so good. He's been the one that really didn't need a lot of like, oh man, he's going through this or that or he just handles it and and he's good and steady. And then I I just started thinking about that and I'm like, oh man, I've given so much attention to the others lately At least, this is the story in my head and I walked down and he's just sitting alone on the couch. I'm like, hey, max, I want to talk to you. Dude, I couldn't get five words out before I just started bawling my eyes out. I'm just telling him hey, man, and I tried to explain that story to him. I was like, you know, I just love you so much and you're so steady and you're doing so good and I'm so proud of you that I wonder if you felt like I've neglected you, because I've spent a lot of time with his sisters. And if it ever has felt like that, the purpose of that is because I trust where he is and have so much confidence in him.

Speaker 3: 6:21

But then I worry that that might have had a different effect. And I just looked at him and I'm like and then the other day I wanted to come home and watch a movie with you and you were telling me you're going to your girlfriend's house. And I was like, oh man, I'm losing my son, and so then my heart breaks and I'm crying to him. And we just sat there and held each other for a long time and his tears are coming down, um, and, and so I think he gets it. I think he feels it because when I look at him I feel like I'm looking in the mirror, like it's it's me. He's got the same heart, the same personality as me, and so, um, the blessing of that is also the curse, because I know what pains he feels and you know, and I can tell when he's feeling it, and so I feel that connection to him for that.

Speaker 2: 7:08

What a cool conversation. He's probably never going to forget that either. What did he say? Did he say when I when I have conversations like that with my kids are like, oh, it's okay, dad, you know? Like oh, don't feel bad about that. Like well, no, I like how do you feel about it? Like like I'm apologizing because I feel like I've like maybe neglected or fallen short in this area. Um, was he, was he open with you about like yeah, maybe I did feel like that a little bit, or did you guys just was all the talking done with a hug?

Speaker 3: 7:39

and just yeah, you know what he said. He said nothing and he said everything in in his eyes and in his heart and and in his hug. I mean, it was, that was everything. So you know, he doesn't, he doesn't talk a lot.

Speaker 2: 7:55

What 17 year old kid really does.

Speaker 3: 7:58

That's true, you get lots of one word answers Um, and he's. He's also um guilty of that, as as am I. Um, but yeah, he definitely. I mean, I could see it in his face and see it in his eyes and and, oh man. And then, when he just leaned in to hold me, I mean, what more could I ask? Doesn't get better than that, yep.

Speaker 1: 8:18

So you seem like you're pretty in tune empathetic, um aware person in general. What made you the way you are? What made you the dad you are?

Speaker 3: 8:32

Um, I would say I, I'm. I'm my mother's son in that sense, you know where I've. I've taken a lot of like gifts and knowledge and skills from both my parents. Um, as far as it goes to my, my heart and the expression of that, I feel like it's all my mom and she was just this, this loving saint, and all love and all empathy and and man she was just the best, still is, and so I think I got that from my mother.

Speaker 3: 9:09

My dad was all big dreams and vision and hard work and I can do that, whereas my mom, she, was all the love and tenderness, and so I learned a lot from both of them.

Speaker 1: 9:28

That's really a good one-two punch right there. I sometimes think in life in general like I want to accomplish things and I want to make things happen, but you can't just make things happen with emotional beings called humans. You have to have. You have to do that via love, right? You have to actually start with love on the way to accomplishing whatever, especially if you're working with other people, even yourself, right? So I don't know why I thought about that this morning. So when you said that, I thought, oh, that's a perfect, like unconditional love, backed by dreaming and accomplishing and moving forward and trying to become your best self. Maybe call it continuous improvement. That's cool.

Speaker 3: 10:13

Yeah, and those are things that I didn't necessarily appreciate as a kid One because it was just my reality Like this is. Isn't everybody's life like this. I even even my friends that lived across the street. I just assumed that this is what life is like, is this is what parents are like. They're all like my mom and dad. And then and then learning that it's not like that and over the years, and and then looking back and saying, wow, you know, this parenting thing isn't just you walk in the park, it's, you know, it's a lot of work and intentional effort.

Speaker 3: 10:45

And then to think and be able to give grace to my own parents for all of that work that they did for me and how much it was for me, and even their mistakes along the way, was their attempt to do the absolute best for me and oh my goodness what I got out of that.

Speaker 2: 11:06

It's impactful to look back on that now as a parent and see what your parents did for you, isn't it Right? You inherited a lot from your folks, it sounds like, through their personalities and the things that they taught you. You also got a pretty cool last name, sparks, and uh, that's your. The name of your podcast is sparks of gratitude, which works really great. You're, you're one of the guys that lives a life of gratitude and he has tapped into the superpower of gratitude that anybody can practice.

Speaker 2: 11:45

And as I watched you and the way that you are mindful, like, corey just met you and he's already picked up on like this empathetic, very in tune, purposeful, intentional guy that I've gotten over the last year and a half, and I think you do so much of what you do do through gratitude, and so I want to tap so much of what you do do through gratitude, and so I want to tap into some of the needy, greedy of what do you do to practice gratitude? Like, what are your strategies? Strategy is a bad word, but like, how do you practice it? Your gratitude practice on a daily basis, because you don't just talk about it on your podcast. This is part of who you are and the reason why you're doing the podcast. You didn't start this because I got a cool ass name and I can make a cool podcast name and I can have a bunch of cool people on, like this is who you were before the podcast and on your podcast you talk about it because of how much you believe in it. So take us down some of your gratitude practice and why gratitude is so important to you.

Speaker 3: 12:53

Oh my goodness, how much time we got.

Speaker 2: 12:55

Well, this is yeah, we have episodes.

Speaker 3: 12:59

Well, let's try to be concise with it, but this, uh, intentional gratitude practice has been something that's literally changed my life. I believe that gratitude literally can save lives. It certainly impacted my life, certainly has changed it for the better. I believe gratitude is the opposite of resentment and entitlement. I think gratitude can pull people out of the worst moments that they have. I think gratitude can prepare people to endure well those challenging moments that they may face. And where it came from for me and I'll kind of describe the evolution of my kind of, you know, the little daily morning routines and things like that and where that came from. Really, I think you guys have had Dr Paul Jenkins on your podcast before and we have.

Speaker 3: 13:55

He was appropriately my first guest on our very first episode, because it was maybe a dozen years ago. My wife and I used to visit with Dr Paul Jenkins when he was practicing psychologist and and.

Speaker 3: 14:08

I love. You know his book and his story, pathological positivity and we were having some challenges. I think it was maybe raising our daughter, who was the creative one. She was a little tough as a young toddler, she was really hard.

Speaker 3: 14:24

But but we were working with Dr Paul and in part of this, somewhere in the conversation, he challenged us to start a daily gratitude routine, a gratitude practice, and he gave us a challenge to do that and to write daily things we're grateful for. And he says but you got to make sure that a certain number of those things are the hard things. And he says that's what powers it up, is when you can find where you're grateful and what you're grateful for in the hard stuff, in the cancer, in losing your job, in whatever is this challenging thing? Now, you don't necessarily have to be grateful for that cancer, but what comes from it? You know where is gratitude in this, because it's there If you can search for it and it takes work, um, but so we started that and you know, really, my wife she's like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that. I had just ordered two gratitude journals and she came to me and she'd given it to me and said, hey, randy like committed me to write in it every day and I'm like, okay, I'll do that. And, and so I did. And it was prompted. You know it said, every morning, maybe, write you know a power statement or something and three things I'm grateful for in the morning, and, um, and at the end of the day, you know three things that were awesome and something like that. And so I did that and, you know, filled a couple of books with these and we do it over and over, and then just realized it wasn't just the daily routine. Um, it was how it changed my outlook on life outside of that.

Speaker 3: 15:59

That kind of got the motor running and then I would, consistently, I found myself, you know, even driving in traffic. I was patient. I, you know, I could, I just felt different. But what really, where it had its teeth was when I would have something challenging come along and say, oh my goodness, like through that, I knew that this was for me, this challenge was for me, and I could see gratitude. Well, there's something in this for me that's improving me. I mean, there's a lot of experience that happened along the way through that, but really a daily gratitude practice, prompted by Dr Paul Jenkins initially, but that we kept along for many years. And then we went through something pretty hard and on the other side of it we thought, wow, like how, how amazing it was that we were able to continue that gratitude practice through what was, you know, one of the more challenging, devastating moments in our life, and and then, on the other side, say, well, that helped pull us through and and what was on the other side was so much better than what we even imagined.

Speaker 3: 17:18

And then after that, we, my wife and I, really felt like you know what we're? We're God has done something for us and he's blessed us in a big way, and he now it's our turn. And so we felt this like nudge, like you got to do something. We're like stop poking me in the ribs. What do you want? You know? Like that's kind of how we felt.

Speaker 3: 17:42

We're like, yeah, we need to do something to to give back, but it but we kept feeling like it had to be on this um idea of gratitude, and we said, well, what do we have to offer? Um, and so we started printing gratitude journals and we've given away thousands of them, you know, and I print them every client I have at work. You know, I'm an attorney, I'm a trust attorney and I do wills and trusts for lots of people and every one of them, they all get a couple gratitude journals and it's, they say, sparks of gratitude on them and I'm like I'm not giving people thank you cards, I'm giving them the gift of gratitude and but you know, thousands of these over the years we've given out. And then we knew, like, you know, what's the next level of this. There's something else we're supposed to do. And I thought, well, the only reason that this has become meaningful in my life is because somebody else challenged me to do it. Somebody else taught me something and luckily I listened to some of those things and try to implement it.

Speaker 3: 18:42

Um, and I thought, well, why don't I just press record while I'm talking to people and listen to those lessons? And so we we started the podcast and I was really nervous about it. Um, I and I I delayed it for two or three years before I kind of got up the courage to actually push record, cause I got a lot of dopamine by telling people I'm going to do a podcast, because it made me feel, it made the brain chemicals in my head feel like I was doing something when I actually wasn't um, just telling people that I'm going to Um, but then eventually I I did that and it's been. It's been amazing to to talk to people and listen to their triumphs and tragedies and and how gratitude has played a part in their life and I hope someone listens to that and you know has a takeaway.

Speaker 2: 19:30

A takeaway, well they do, because I know I looked at your listen score and you're ranked in the top 10 percent of all podcasts worldwide. After four episodes he's got some really cool guests on his podcast. So when you're done here, go look him up. Sparks of gratitude, because he did it. I I'm proud of you, thank you. We talked about it for a while and you finally did it.

Speaker 1: 19:54

I love positive paradigm shifts, like you had with the gratitude journal, right, basically, it made you see the world different and changed you how you see the world. Um, love that. I always tell my kids. Happiness is a choice. I think that the gratitude thing is a way to practice that. So I'm going to talk to my kids and say, okay, let's do a gratitude journal for a was that's teaching me? You mentioned a major challenge Is that something you wanted to share publicly or you don't share that publicly?

Speaker 3: 20:37

Oh well, we've got lots of them, but part of it was you know, I've worked for the law firm I work at for the last four years. I worked at another great firm for eight or nine years before that and imagined myself staying there forever and then eventually we split up our partnership and I didn't really imagine that in my plans, but that's the way it happened and I look back and say wow that was amazing I'm so grateful for, for that entire time that I had that.

Speaker 3: 21:18

that created who I, helped create who I, who I was. And then um. Had it not been for um, you know, something kind of like knocking me out for something kind of like knocking me out, I probably wouldn't have moved to a next stage in my life, and so I kind of needed something to kind of knock me out of that place. But it was hard, because I didn't imagine that. I didn't imagine that I wouldn't be working there. I thought I'd be working there forever and retire, you know, working in this place, and so I didn't allow myself to see beyond this, this paradigm. But then, once I was allowed to see the other side of it, I thought, oh, there's, there's something different, there's something more. And it actually freed my, my mind to think about. Well, I'm willing to see something that I can't now. I'm open to some new possibility that I can't even yet imagine there could be a new future for me and it's kind of exciting, you, it's a little frightening and exciting all at once and um yeah, it was amazing.

Speaker 2: 22:36

So you've got 17 years worth of fatherhood experience. If you were to go back and write a letter to yourself when you first became a dad, what are the things you'd put in that letter?

Speaker 3: 22:51

You know, I heard I want to say something super profound, but I think the truth is that I wouldn't have listened to any of it, because I knew what I was doing.

Speaker 2: 23:02

Yeah, it's kind of the truth, Like you figure. You figure that you've got the tools and you do the best with what you have and relationships and so on.

Speaker 3: 23:36

But, I've also been able to watch my siblings get married and raise their kids, and I got to come along after and take what they've learned along the way. Cherry pick some of the things you didn't learn for yourself Right, and then I get to do it wrong my own way. I love it.

Speaker 3: 23:57

But there, yeah, what would, what would I say I, I, you know what I think is the first child. I wish I could take, being a father of three kids and apply what I'd learned and give those same benefits to child one, because we learned on him, and child two and three get the lessons that we learned where he got the experiment.

Speaker 1: 24:29

I think every parent that has more than one kid would say that.

Speaker 2: 24:32

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:35

My parents have told me that I've told myself that.

Speaker 2: 24:37

So, yeah, that's yeah. So if I and I've apologized to my oldest too, yeah, and like, as she gets to the, you know she's the oldest one we have, so she gets all the firsts. You know like's the oldest one we have, so she gets all the firsts, you know, like, the things that you never think about, like well, what happens if this happens? Or what if she wants to do this? Or you know you, you you're prompted by experiences to go, okay, we haven't thought about this. And oftentimes I find myself just saying, hey, um, I just need you to extend me a little grace here, because I've never dealt with this before, that you're the first. I apologize that you're the oldest, but you are, and I've got to figure out. I don't know, I don't know the answer to this right now, but that didn't come until like much later. Yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't like all growing up, I'm like'm like, I'm sorry, you're the first person I've ever tried to parent or father and I'm gonna screw up. I'm so sorry you. You just like, you said like you wouldn't have listened to the advice because you knew what you were doing, and uh.

Speaker 2: 25:41

So I think, I think it's a profound question. I heard somebody heard somebody ask it the other day, like what would you write to yourself? You could go back in time and just like leave yourself a note. You know, and I think for me the little things are not the big things. That's what I would say, like if I was going to go back and raise little kids again. All the little things that I worried about, the clean bedroom, the little things that I got upset about, they're not worth getting upset over. You're just making sure your kid feels safe and loved and has structure. Yeah, I love that I got. I got too worked up because my identity was tied to what's everybody going to think if my kid misbehaves? And that reflects poorly on me as a parent that I am doing a bad job at the most important job.

Speaker 3: 26:30

I love that and I love that. You said you, you have that conversation with your daughter or all of your kids. Um, my wife and I try to do that. Um, quite often it's a it's a pretty big theme in the house where our kids know that they're teaching us how to be parents, like we are doing it together and and we'll have the conversation with them about, you know, what can we do better. You know, um, and sometimes I think you know they may not feel like it's a two way conversation, you know, but but in my head that that's where we're trying to go is involve them in that.

Speaker 1: 27:11

One of the conversations I've started having with my kids the last little while, last couple of years, is trying to see it from both points of view. Meaning I'll talk to them about is this the way you're seeing it, is this the way you're feeling? And get that conversation going and then get them to see it from my point of view. Can you see that I'm trying to be a good dad? Can you see that I'm trying to help you like, learn and grow and become a responsible adult? And that conversation is helpful because first I always listened to their point of view first, but then when you can see it in their eyes, especially as they get older and they can comprehend what you're talking about, you can see it in their eyes, that aha moment of oh, yeah, even if I don't like what he's saying and even if I don't agree with what he's saying and even if I want to be defensive, yeah, darn it, I can see dad's just trying to be a good dad right?

Speaker 2: 28:13

well, and another very interesting question to ask when you're in that situation is to ask them how would you deal this, how would you deal with this if you were me? That's a great question, because then they have to look at it through your point of view. Great question yeah and it.

Speaker 3: 28:23

It's tough. I I sometimes worry if my kids, when I, when I talk about that is you know what, what do you, you know how would you deal with the situation? Or you know what do you recommend to get their input on that, and sometimes I worry are they just responding with I was just going to say what they want, cause I know that's what they're going to say. Well, I can't use my device, or, yeah, that's the fair thing. That's the fair thing, but I I think I have thoughtful kids, um, and I learned so much from them. I one thing that's been really amazing is my daughter goes to this um. Both of my daughters go to this um private school called slope slope school. It's a, it's an act in academy if anybody knows what that is, but one of the things that they do at the school, that may be one of the most important. I actually interviewed the principal on my podcast a couple weeks ago.

Speaker 2: 29:16

This was my next question um.

Speaker 3: 29:19

One of the things that they do, um, or two of the most impactful things that they do at this school are are one is is socratic discussion, where they have the entire entire age group of kids get together and they have a discussion together and they come prepared and they ask a question to teach them how to really really think critically, and the process is awesome because they really have to exercise their minds. But one of the other things that they do and I only learned about it when my daughter brought it home is they have something that's called a peace talk and these are kids from elementary age all the way up through ninth grade, like young kids, five-year-olds, all the way up to 15, 16-year-olds, and they all know what a peace talk is. And in every classroom they have a table that's the peace table and it's got the protocol on top of the table, which is you know, anytime a kid has a conflict or a disagreement with somebody, they know the process to resolve it and they come and they say I want to have a peace talk with somebody, and there's always going to be a facilitator who could be one of the adult guides or another student and they, they sit at the table and they have the process and the facilitator, one of them gets to express you know, I felt this way when you, you know, and they explain themselves in this, you know it's not heated, they all know the rules and it's incredible that young kids will do this. And then the other one gets to speak and restate what the first person said, and then the facilitator says did that accurately portray what you're trying to say? And they can agree or say no, actually, and kind of give more detail.

Speaker 3: 31:03

And then the other person gets to talk about how they felt and it goes back and then all of a sudden, just by being able to feel heard, in almost every case it's resolved, is they understand each other and sometimes they come up with an agreement to resolution. Well, I didn't know that they did this at the school until my daughter comes home and and she comes out of the pantry She'd pulled her older brother in the pantry with her and they come out and they're kind of smiling together and I'm like what's going on? She's like, oh, I just took Max in there and we had a peace talk. And I'm like, well, what? And she explained.

Speaker 3: 31:34

She's like, oh well, we do this at school and she brought it home and now that's been part of or available to us as a family discussion is to have this type of conflict resolution or discussion where we kind of know, hey, if we say the words peace, talk or something, then all of a sudden everybody knows. All right, we are trying to gain understanding with each other while we're speaking rather than argue with each other. And my daughter it's incredible with all of them how they respond to our conversations now because they've learned that skill and I've just prayed every day that the point's going to come where my kids won't listen to me but then they're going to listen to some adult that would say something I'd want them to hear, and this is one of those things and they've brought it home and it's really impactful to the house.

Speaker 1: 32:26

My kids will say dad needs the peace talk he needs to not just say do the way I say to do it.

Speaker 3: 32:32

Yeah, and you know what? That's the truth. And she pushes back on us. I mean, well, they all do, um, but if we can get ourselves into the space where, where we're listening, where they're feeling like they're heard, they, they often feel comfortable and they'll challenge us with that. And, and a lot of times we've said, yeah, you know, you're right, um, you know, and we, we messed up there, we, we could have done that differently. And, and every time I do it, I'm kind of looking at my wife. I'm like, look, how amazing this is. We're being proven wrong and we're excited about it.

Speaker 2: 33:11

You know that is pretty cool. Yeah, that is pretty cool. So you guys have had some pretty cool moments of connection in your house that you've shared with us, like through this. It's kind of a variation on the talking pillow. Do you ever do that? It's like you can't talk unless you're holding the pillow. Oh yeah, yeah, I think that made a famous appearance on Breaking Bad Made the talking pillow famous. Talk to us about some of the other things that you've done to connect with your kids. This is kind of like the magic question, like what can our listeners do try in their homes? It's worked in the Sparks house.

Speaker 3: 33:57

You know something that's meaningful to me. Well, I'll tell a story. I might have told you this story, kirk. Um, when I was in fifth grade you know I'm one of eight kids. I'll get to the question. You asked Kirk. I promise Okay, um, but when you're one of eight kids, I'll get to the question. You asked kirk. I promise okay, um, but when you're one of eight, my mom and dad, my dad's working all the time, and my and he was always present. We always did cool stuff together. You know, we're going camping, we're going to lake powell, we're going. So we always had cool experiences together. That I that I remember and that plays into this.

Speaker 3: 34:28

Um, when I was in fifth grade, my fifth grade teacher would guide um American history tours through, you know, back East in the summer as like a side job, and so he would invite us fifth grade class, cause we studied, you know us, history during fifth grade and and I said, mom, can I go on this thing? You know, it's like two weeks long, you know through through the East coast. And she's like, yeah, I think that'd be awesome. And this is one of the benefits of being on the younger end of the family, because none of the older kids grew up in a family that had any money. And then the younger kids got spoiled and I'm one of them and but that's what was my life? I'm I'm't realize until years later. That was the only time in my whole life I had my mom to myself, ever.

Speaker 3: 35:15

But I never forget that experience. I remember going to these wonderful places all over American history sites and so on, but what was the most impactful was the connection with my mom. I had her, just me and her, and I remember just being like on her hip the whole time, never embarrassed, holding her hand, hugging her for like two weeks straight as a, as a fifth grader. Um, and then we came home and years later I thought, wow, that was really cool. And my wife and I got married and I said you know, it'd be awesome is if, when we have kids, that once they get to about that age, 12 years old, I take them on a trip wherever they want to go, just the two of us. Because I had that experience when I was younger and I believe if, if I explain, you know what my most important core values are at the very top I mean gratitude you'd be, you know, shocked to hear if that wasn't one of them.

Speaker 3: 36:11

So it's definitely gratitudes up there. But. But meaningful connection is probably the top and I'm a. I'm a feeler Like I just love connecting with someone. If you get me in a room with a bunch of people, I don't connect, I keep my mouth shut. But if I'm one on one, I'm like I want to connect deep.

Speaker 3: 36:35

And you know, and I love it when people lean into that and can make deep connections. But I believe that meaningful connections are built through shared experiences. It's not built by talking about it, it's built by sharing an experience together, and sometimes the deepest connection can happen from even a short experience. Sometimes it's a longer experience, but to me it's experiences, and so our family motto has been experiences, not things, and so years ago we so I've done that with my kids. You know, when they turned 12, we take them on a trip. When my son turned 12, he said for years, like four years, I want to go to the U S open tennis tournament in in New York, and so I took max to that.

Speaker 3: 37:19

Um and it was so fun and I ran him ragged all over New York and stuff and lots of tennis and it's my favorite cause, I love tennis so much. Um, my daughter wanted to go to Japan and so I took her to Japan. Um, and we had a week together all over Japan which was so much fun. And then I've got a younger one that that hasn't had her turn yet. Um, but something else we did as a family to create those experiences. What we want is memories that we'll be able to hang on forever.

Speaker 3: 37:45

I think about as a child I don't remember the day to day. I mean a lot of that personality and lessons. You know that's ingrained just from repetition and being raised by my parents. But I can vividly. I could. If I could paint, I could paint a picture of 1978 or, you know, I'm two years old, in visiting Seattle Northwest, visiting some cousins or traveling, you know, in the motor home out to. You know old, you know LDS church history sites and I'm two years old, 18 months old, and I remember, I remember it. I remember Lake Powell sitting on a surfboard, being pulled behind the boat with my dad when I'm in 1978, because we did things together. I remember those vividly but I don't remember the day to day.

Speaker 3: 38:37

And so he said well, how about we create those experiences instead? And so we quit doing Christmas. We said, instead of having Christmas and opening presents because they will love and it's so much fun. I admit I love Christmas morning, but Christmas morning ends and I don't remember other than a handful of times what gifts I got for Christmas, but I remember the experience that I had with somebody. So we quit doing Christmas morning. We said let's have an experience together instead. And so we'll travel somewhere. And they'll always remember that road trip in Northern California and Yosemite and Redwoods for Christmas and I'll always remember that trip we took together. So so that's what we do to hopefully our intent is to build those connections and memories.

Speaker 2: 39:29

It's a good one. That's a good one. We stopped doing Christmas too, like years ago, and I think it was it was before we started the podcast, cause we've been doing it for like eight or nine years, but I think it was one of the conversations that we had and somebody said, yeah, we, we stopped. They asked me the question what did you get for Christmas, like two years ago? And I couldn't remember. And I went home and asked my kids and they couldn't remember and I'm like why do we do it? You know what are we doing this for anyway? So our kids know that we get a. They get like some basics. They get like a couple of like some school clothes mid year and then they open something. That's our family trip that we go on in June or April, during spring break. So that's been a fun tradition. I like that one. That one's been a game changer for us too.

Speaker 1: 40:22

I think it's super smart. I've got my first leaving in June. Humbling experience as a parent to see the impact you're having is over in a lot of ways meaning yes, we'll still have experiences and they'll probably be even more important to us now. But it makes you reflect and say did I do enough? Did I have enough experience time? Did I bond enough? You know, and the answer is probably always no. But um, I think if you're doing it on purpose, that's huge. I think Doug Wren was the first one who talked about um, I can't remember what it was called. It's called moonwalking with Einstein.

Speaker 2: 41:07

Yes.

Speaker 1: 41:07

Moonwalking with Einstein, and it was this book about if you can create these bookmarks or these major moments in time like you were talking about. I remember this but I don't remember the day to day. The book kind of talks about how you can extend your life, so someone could just only have day to day experiences and live 90 years, but the same person could have bookmarks they've created with these experience and it's like living a double the length of life because the memories in there are double the length. I thought that was a cool way of explaining this idea of experiences.

Speaker 3: 41:45

Yeah, I love it so much and I think you're right that if the question's always going to be, the answer is always going to be no, that like did I do enough? And I'll give my own dad as an example for that man. He did try his best and I think he raised us well, and still, I'll talk to him now and he'll say, yeah, I don't think I did that right, and he acknowledges that to me now. Did that right, you know, and I'm, and he acknowledges that to me now. And and but I I also don't think that he did it necessarily wrong because he was trying his best. Yeah, what do you know? What to do?

Speaker 1: 42:24

you know, on the flip side of that too, I've been starting to do that with my own parents because they're healthy and you, you know somewhat young, but we're not going to be young forever. Rob will appreciate the somewhat young.

Speaker 2: 42:41

Yeah, they're in their seventies.

Speaker 1: 42:43

Right and early seventies and and in great health and can travel and do anything they want to do pretty much. But the clock's ticking right. It is what it is. We're all going to somewhere in between 70 and 110,.

Speaker 1: 42:58

It's going to end, right, and I'm trying to get those exact same things with them now, right? In fact, when we started the podcast, my dad walked in, if you guys remember, and I was saying hey, what? Look at the email I just sent you. And you guys don't know what that email about, but it was about going to Ireland to play golf in the spring of 25. And the whole point of that is how do I get that experience with my dad and then how do I?

Speaker 1: 43:27

start tying the generations together. To get my kids to go on some of those experiences, right? Big tennis fan also. Same thing. I took my little boy to Wimbledon last year. It was epic, but I invited my mom, Just her, not my dad, because my dad does a bunch of stuff with us in the golf world, right, and it was creating those. That's huge, those moments, and I think it's on both sides of the generational thing. My wife this morning said I think I want to take my mom to New York. Hopefully she's not listening to this podcast. It's supposed to be a surprise.

Speaker 2: 44:06

You better tell me if you want me to edit that out.

Speaker 1: 44:09

Same thing, though she's thinking well, how much time am I going to have with my mom? I want to take her to New York, just me and her. So we took. We think about our kids often. I'm just telling the listeners maybe think about your parents too. That's just as important.

Speaker 2: 44:20

And I think there's like this fallacy to that and cause you and I are in the exact same position, like my daughter's talking about moving out and all through my head there's are going through yours, and I think there's a fallacy that we're going to look back in like 25 or 30 years at the age we are now and go, man, you thought you were done. You're not even anywhere close to being done, because how much influence do your mom and dad have on your life? Still, totally Right. So I think we're looking through it, through a little bit of a distorted glass that we are now we, there's a stage of life and the influence, the type of influence, will change, but it will not go away. So, randy, we always ask everybody at the end of the podcast what they think it means to be a gentleman, and you know this. Would you like to answer that question today? We always ask everybody at the end of the podcast what they think it means to be a gentleman, and you know this. Would you like to answer that?

Speaker 3: 45:17

question today. Yes, and I'm thinking about two things. I think a gentleman values deep connection. I think that's one of the fundamental things that's important in my life at least, and I think, if I am living my best, I'm connecting with people, really deeply connecting, and I think that a gentleman gives grace and reconciliation to others and seeks that.

Speaker 2: 46:00

For himself too.

Speaker 3: 46:01

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 46:02

Knows how to say and accept and I'm sorry, I love it.

Speaker 3: 46:07

Yeah, Acknowledge when you're wrong.

Speaker 2: 46:12

and and yeah, and seek, seek resolution and and of course, they're grateful you got to throw that one in because I think that I mean, I don't know that you can be a gentleman and not be grateful. I'm just saying that, like I think it's one of. Uh, I I have heard it said I can't remember who said it but one of the greatest sins in life is the sin of not being grateful.

Speaker 3: 46:43

Yep, and Cicero said something. Now I'm going to get it wrong because I'm nervous on the podcast, but that you know, gratitude is, is not only the greatest of virtues, it's the mother of all other virtues. Yeah, and I think it's just the foundation upon which the rest stand. And you know, obviously with the theme of my podcast, I'll go with that. I love it. And, guys, gratitude is free, it's free. So give yourself a gift, find gratitude.

Speaker 2: 47:15

Thanks, randy. Now you've listened to this podcast. Now switch over to Sparks of Gratitude and listen to some of what give the listeners. Your favorite episode so far? Which one would you?

Speaker 3: 47:28

say go listen to Probably the one with Kirk Chug.

Speaker 2: 47:32

Wow, that sounded like a planet question. I was not even. I was not even remembering. Um, besides Kirk Chug's episode, who would you go listen to?

Speaker 3: 47:40

I'll tell you who. Who some of the most recent was. I had Steven Nyman on recently who was a world cup um downhill ski racer. That was a fun story and I grew up with him as a kid and um, he's got a lot of great stories to tell of. You know how challenging the it is to to be a professional ski racer I've had there. I I heard jerry seinfeld get asked once you know which was his favorite episode of seinfeld and he's like but they're all my babies, you know.

Speaker 1: 48:08

So I think that's a very hard question. I think someone asked you on there?

Speaker 2: 48:11

what would you say?

Speaker 1: 48:13

um, don't answer that, the one with Corey Moore.

Speaker 2: 48:18

Because they're all my babies. Corey's been on every one of them. Corey's been on more than I have, because you did a solo one one time. I won, I won, I won. So, randy, thanks for joining us. That was an awesome conversation and I'm glad we had it. Thanks so much for who you are and your example in connecting with people. You can all learn from that and be better at that.

Speaker 1: 48:41

Appreciate you both.

Speaker 2: 48:42

Yeah, we appreciate you too, Randy. If you liked the podcast today, please like and subscribe to the podcast. Do the normal stuff Drop us a rating and a review. That really helps people find us that haven't found us yet. You wouldn't listen to a podcast with no ratings. So if you want to do something for Corey and me, go drop us a rating on Apple um and and share the podcast with somebody that you love. If somebody's name popped into your head that you thought would benefit from Randy's message today, hit the share button and share this podcast episode with them and just tell them that you're thinking about them. Thanks for joining us today. I'm Kirk Chug and I'm Corey Moore.

Speaker 1: 49:18

Thanks everybody.