The Gentlemen Project Podcast
Bi-weekly podcast highlighting impactful stories of parents and what they do to be successful at home and at work. Helping you turn the time you have with your kids into time well spent helping them learn the most important lessons in life. The Gentlemen Project Podcast is hosted by Kirk Chugg and Cory Moore-friends who are passionate about fatherhood and raising the next generation of great kids.
The Gentlemen Project Podcast
Diligently Intentional Parenting: Insights from Mark Stubler
Mark Stubler, founder of Joe Homebuyer, shares his insights on balancing family values with business acumen. He talks about parenting, guiding his daughters through life's challenges, and incentivizing without manipulating. He explains how the principles of successful business leadership can foster strong and resilient family bonds. He also emphasizes the importance of humor, spirituality, and gratitude in everyday life. Join us in celebrating family, faith, and dedication's profound impact in our own lives.
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Welcome to the gentlemen project podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm Corey Moore and I'm Kirk Chuck. Today, mark Stubler joins us in the podcast studio. Mark is the founder of Joe Homebuyer and is a referral from us, from one of our recent guests, cody Hoefine. This is partner in business. Cody asked me to have Mark on the podcast because of the respect that Cody has for Mark and the things that he has learned from Mark. He said this would be an amazing guest for your podcast, and so we're honored that Mark has taken the time out of his schedule to be here with us today. He has his own podcast that's starting up and will be releasing some episodes on leadership and business and marketing, and so we'll let him talk about that a little. Mark is a father, and a very purposeful one, from what I hear. So welcome, mark. We'll let you introduce yourself and introduce your family a little bit to us.
Speaker 3:Well, thanks for having me on and I think, by virtue of Cody being my business partner, he has to say that I don't know it's pretty genuine. Good, well, I am. That's one of. I feel very grateful to be a father and I'm excited to visit with you guys today and introduce my family. So I've been married 20 years to my high school sweetheart, so that's true for me.
Speaker 2:That's awesome. How many years ago did you guys meet?
Speaker 3:So we met a sophomore's in high school. I did the two year mission to Seattle and she waited for me. She was. She was one of the few in the brave that was able to.
Speaker 2:You did not get the Dear John letter.
Speaker 3:I did not get the Dear John. She did not marry another return missionary before I got home.
Speaker 2:Good for you. You must be catch.
Speaker 3:Well, so I was fortunate there and, yeah, we just hit 20 years. I have a 19 year old son who actually is serving his mission in Detroit right now. That's been an incredible experience.
Speaker 2:Corey's first reaction. How's he like in that?
Speaker 3:He just got transferred for the first time. He's been out five months. He just got transferred and he said it's an entirely different mission because the first four months of his mission he was in what he refers to as the hood and he says it's a third world country compared. Even now, just a week in his new area and just a complete different experience.
Speaker 1:Normal suburb now.
Speaker 3:Normal suburb and you know traditional congregation type setting for for our faith. And but the first was very unorthodox. You know even the the Sunday worship meetings were unorthodox to what he was used to and just a really good experience for him.
Speaker 2:But he loved it.
Speaker 3:I don't know what it was, but the hood was like his thing because he felt safe wearing that Jesus tag on his chest. He felt I mean I'll tell one quick story. This is a little diversion from my introduction, but he's knocking on doors and and a gentleman comes the door and says, hey, you know you're in the red zone. Like you can't, I don't know if you want to be knocking here. He's like Well, everybody needs Jesus. And he's like, yeah, good point. He's like you want to come to church? She's like no, no. He's like OK, but he never felt threatened or unsafe because people are super respectful in Detroit for anybody wanting to talk to Jesus. So he's, he's had an incredible experience.
Speaker 2:That's cool. So that's your oldest.
Speaker 3:That's my oldest, 19. And then I have three daughters, 16, 12 and eight, and and my wife. So it's me with the four girls at home all day now and it's quite the opportunity blessing and it's it's incredible. I love having daughters. I've said, and I don't know this isn't for you know, it's hard to say this, but I think every man needs to have a daughter.
Speaker 3:And some of us haven't been blessed with that, or some challenges have kids, whatever but I'm super grateful to be a dad of daughters too. I it's a it's some special yeah right.
Speaker 2:It's nuts. It does bring a part of your personality forward that you know, you don't know about. Tell, like the protective Papa bear in me with my daughters, like man, somebody does something to my daughter and it's. It's serious right away. And as they start to date, when another, another boy and another man comes into the picture, you're like, hmm, I don't know how I feel about this. But yeah, it's. It definitely brings, brings forward a part of parenting you don't get otherwise.
Speaker 3:So I need your advice on that. So I have a 16 year old and she'd kill me if she listens as podcasts, but she hasn't kissed anybody yet, because part of it was I said I'd give her a nice car at 16 if she doesn't kiss anybody. So she's lived up to that and now we're working on plan B, that if she doesn't kiss anybody until she's 18, but I don't know that this is actually like. I don't know that this is something that I would encourage somebody to follow this model, because I think I think I'd probably rather have her kiss two or three or four guys once than one guy five times.
Speaker 1:So I don't know if I'm teaching the right principle or not, but well, the first thing I would ask us five of us, her is let's define nice dad on this nice car, are we?
Speaker 3:getting to that first.
Speaker 2:Old Jeep or new?
Speaker 1:Jeep, because that's relative, oh man. Well, I don't know. You know, I think every family, every kid's a little different, right, they're the way they see the world, the way that they navigate the world. I do think that they need to have a few times where they hit against the bumpers and learn lessons and that kind of thing, but we try to keep them from going over the bumpers right over the road. So it's a delicate balance is apparent. I think that's something we've talked about a lot on the podcast is you want them to get enough trouble to learn and to grow and you want to keep them from getting into less trouble, right?
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I don't know that there's a blanket advice you know if that's working for you and you feel like that's working for you.
Speaker 2:all the power to you. I don't know I, my boys, had killed me too. They like went to the Founders Day fireworks and they all walked down to the park. And John comes home that night and we're saying prayer and we get done with prayer and studying, and he stands up and he's like oh, by the way, I kissed a girl at the park tonight and I'm like what it's like? Who was she? And he goes. I don't know. She just came up and asked if I wanted to kiss her and I did and I'm like all right.
Speaker 1:How'd that go Part of having?
Speaker 2:teenagers right? Yeah, I guess I wasn't that popular or that handsome in high school. That never happened. No girl ever came up and asked if they could.
Speaker 1:So tell us your background, like where you're from, where did you grow up? That kind of thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so Utah grew up here, grew up first 12 years in West Valley, and the only reason that details important is because I tried to tell my son that I grew up in the hood. So that I could relate to him in Detroit and he got mad every time because he says you have no idea what it means.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure he's right.
Speaker 3:But had you know great parents and moved to South Jordan, grew up in this area just of Salt Lake County. All my life and just only diversion is that couple years in Seattle. But again met my wife in high school and was always kind of an entrepreneur. In high school I really enjoyed a business. My dad owned his own carpet cleaning business. My mom has since started her own medical clinic and so it's just kind of in our DNA to think outside the box that way and take on risk and adventure and so, like a lot of guys and gals in high school, just various business projects, mowing lawns and just different activities like that. And then when I got home from my mission I did whatever Utah person needs to do they get. I got into MLM mark. You know the multi level.
Speaker 2:Various pyramid schemes. That's right.
Speaker 3:Because I was going to get rich, right, I was going to take everything I learned on my mission to work hard and just get after it. And I knew some buddies that were doing pretty well and I'm like, oh, if they can do it, I can do it. So had my little venture there and that's kind of how my careers and the rest of this history I mean just kind of built on that with various cells and business experience, but didn't just I'll let the cat out of the bag. I did not become a millionaire with my most love of your business?
Speaker 2:No, you do. The Joe home buyer. If you've listened to Cody Ho fine's podcast, we mentioned that you help people to invest in real estate and you are franchising the idea and this business throughout the country, and so I wanted to ask you about that what, what have you found has helped, like leadership-wise, and do you feel some type of a responsibility towards all these people that you now lead to be better people, to have moral character, like? Talk to us a little bit about, about that experience and now being at the top of this company that lots of people look up to you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's been such a rewarding experience. So Cody and I started just locally buying off-market distress properties and we found a few marketing strategies and sell strategies that worked pretty well and so we got some good traction and we weren't sure how we wanted to expand. So we floored with a few ideas and and felled frankly at a few strategies. As far as expanding, tried to go into Indiana, and it was a more of a distraction than successful and through that experience we realized that just trying to have pilot offices that we didn't have an employee that was fully invested Maybe that model wasn't going to be for us. So the franchise model became very attractive because the idea that there's kind of a partnership of sorts, where their success is our success, our success is there, so we're just, we're committed to the cause together, that model became quite attractive to us.
Speaker 3:So about four years ago we went down the route of taking what we were finding to be successful and and started the franchise and and through that process we had to define our culture Like what did we want our business to look like? What type of people did we want to work with? And you don't bat a thousand, particularly in the early days. You're trying to sell franchises, whoever you know, and you know they joke in franchising and say the first few franchise sales are just to families and suckers or whatever. Right you know, because it's just a new concept, but luckily we've been able to define our culture of improving lives by delivering creative real estate solutions and we've attracted some incredible people all across the country, of all different business experience, family settings, religious beliefs, nationalities, etc. And and it's been just incredible. But it does provide me an interesting challenge and I welcome the challenge when I say when I use that word in the sense that I feel a responsibility to really make sure we're doing business the right way, that when these new entrepreneurs are going down this endeavor, that they have the framework that I believe is essential for success. And maybe I'll back up just a little bit Cody and I really attribute our success locally when we first started our operations, to just our ambitions to become. Our ambitions to become, you know, leaders, quality leaders that attract quality talent, that create a meaningful culture and business organization and and do things the right way. And so that you know how we came up with our mission of improving lives.
Speaker 3:But now fast forward. We have these franchisees and I feel like just telling them how to you know the X, y, zs of how to make money is only an element of it. That we have a model within our franchise system. We're actually focusing entirely on personal professional development, your purpose and the people that you shine yourself.
Speaker 3:So we called our Ford P model because, to have meaningful success, we feel like it's a well-rounded approach, like we have to become world-class leaders. We have to win at home, we have to win with our families, we have to win in our relationships and our communities, regardless of our beliefs in those areas that we need to. You know, win in those areas and that will be the byproduct of that will be success in business, and and we'll be able to do more and accomplish more and have a greater influence both at home and in our communities, if we're doing it from the bottom down approach, from you know the core, the core of it becoming better leaders. And so that's been a focus of ours and we feel that responsibility as the franchise or that's good.
Speaker 1:I couldn't help but think to myself I need to give my kids the franchise book like how to be, how to be an adult and a parent someday, and have you got me. It's the same thing. That's what we're doing.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I just realized it really is what the German project is almost it's like well, here's what we can come up with as the best way to have a good family, a good life, a good whatever Right, and so it is the same things we talk about. You're thinking about culture. You're thinking about personal development. You're thinking about core values. You're thinking about habits. You're thinking about vision. You're thinking about goals. You're thinking about self-reliance. You're thinking it right. In a lot of ways, what we're trying to give our kids is here's the franchise book for life, and if we can give them that, then you're probably a pretty successful parent. You can, you can chalk it up right, you are, you didn't do it perfect. You're trying to give them a good model, yeah.
Speaker 2:The parenting franchisor, that's what you should call the book. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So, anyway, that's what came to mind when you said that that's pretty, that's pretty interesting. Never thought of it like that. I always think of our people at the, at the company that I work for, as like a sports team and I think of them as players. You know, and if you've got like this championship football team, you, you don't just think about the playbook and winning, you think about health and you think about mental health and you think about overall wellness right Overall health and wellness and and if you're a pro athlete man, they put a lot of time into nutrition and working out and you name it right.
Speaker 1:And so I try to think of our associates that same way. Like, how can I put a championship team on the field? Because if I put a championship team on the field, fans will come. That's what I always say, right, like the customers will come as long as I'm given a championship team. So another way to think about this idea of a franchise book is hey, here's how you create a championship team that can be successful. I love that you're able to bring in you said I can't remember exactly how you said it, but you're giving them a chance at a different life with this franchise model, correct? And I think that's a cool ultimate. Why and maybe that is your guys' why it kind of felt like it might be your why?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I love that I somewhere along the way, we realize that, wow, we really have just incredible people as franchisees and we're learning as much from them. This is a culture of growth and opportunity and learning and we're learning as much from them as hopefully they're learning from us, and I think that's I got the sense that, hey, we're probably doing it right, or at least on the right track, if we can say that there's this community of perpetual learning and growth. But, yeah, just this idea that if we bring on a franchisee, that sure let's get you to make a revenue. I understand that that's one of the major things your livelihood you got to bring in revenue. So I'm not trying to make it sound like it's all cupcakes and rainbows. I mean, at the end of the day, you got to make money.
Speaker 1:If you don't make money, then it didn't work.
Speaker 3:Right, yeah, you got to make money, but we're filling them if we're not challenging them to see themselves as potential leaders and having influence, and you know the roles that they have in their home. And I say that and let me add the disclaimer that my daughters would tell you that I have not run a perfect franchisee in the home, right.
Speaker 1:None of us have, by the way. We're just doing our best.
Speaker 3:That's right.
Speaker 1:But what have you taken home from? Maybe two big questions, because I heard this vein of hard work that you learned from your parents. It was just in the things you said I could tell there was a hard work thing you learned from your parents. I'm sure you've taken that forward with your kids. There's probably other things you've learned from your parents and then there's probably things you've learned as a franchisor in business that you've brought home. Talk to us a little about maybe some of your you know big ticket items that you're trying to teach your kids or you know things you've learned from your parents that you're trying to pass on that kind of thing.
Speaker 3:Well, I learned yesterday and this word has been really meaningful for me over just about a 18 hour period but from Jonah, our missionary. He shared the word diligence. He has a little bit of a training he needs to do on Wednesday and said you know, do you have any ideas of how I could teach diligence? And so I started doing some research on you know diligence and I realized, wow, I really like that word Because in my operation in business, I've always used the word discipline and I think discipline, you know, demonstrates this idea that you're going to be a rule follower, that you're going to be structured.
Speaker 3:But discipline is more. I think comes from the inside of you know, the intrinsic motivation to do things the right way, to be genuine, authentic, consistent. And so I think that is the word that's been on my mind, it's fresh, is that? I hope that that's a principle I'm teaching in my home is just that intentionality. And you know, discipline is important and there's a time and a place for it.
Speaker 3:But I really like the idea of being intentional and methodical about everything I do, and so my kids.
Speaker 3:It drives them nuts when we go on vacation, or I try to make the vacation like not just a trip to Gankun I want to go see, you know, something historical, or you know our faith.
Speaker 3:We have some historical, you know, or there's suggestion that there's some historical sites in that part of the world and so I want them to experience that because I want to tie it back If we're out of state. I want to go see a local temple without fell. I'm going to use an opportunity to go see that temple and if I can get an appointment in there, I'm going to do that without fell, because everything I do I want to be intentional about. I don't and I've learned that from a mentor I can't say that I you know my parents certainly, but I've had a mentor over the years that you know. He says you have to get clear on what you're doing and then your activities need to be intentional. And you can only build this intentional activity at home and that's really if first defined, you know where you're, you know the get first, got the clarity, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so intentionality might be the word that yeah.
Speaker 2:If you were to define what your family culture is at home, could you? Could you put that into a little nutshell for us, like what is it that your family, the Stubler family, is known for, and how do you guys define your culture at home?
Speaker 3:Actually I would probably go back to that, If I can use a hyphen intentionally diligent. I really do think that our kids know that we don't just do things, that dad and mom really want to be intentional about everything that we do, and I think it complements the word diligent when we ask them to go to school. I don't care if they get A's for the sake of getting A's. I want them to get an A in the grade and in all the classes. If they're capable of getting an A, they just need to be diligent and intentional about their activity. If they're doing something around the house, I just want them to be diligent in why they're doing. Just finish it, Finish it.
Speaker 3:And that's when I would challenge one of our daughters now that are in the home is if they are less than diligent, If they're capable of getting an A in that class and they get something short of that, it's not the end of the world, but you're certainly capable of it. And as a parent yourself, I've got a 16-year-old daughter, 12-year-old and an 8-year-old. I've got one of those daughters that is very challenged at school. It doesn't come intuitively for her, and so my expectation as long as she's diligent in her capacities in that arena, then that's a success for me. I think diligent and intentional are the couple of things. I hope that would be true if somebody observed, or on my gravestone, of sorts.
Speaker 2:Or asked your kids.
Speaker 3:Or asked our kids yeah, even better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if your kids can answer the question, you're probably being pretty intentional with that culture. What's one of the things that you've struggled with as a dad?
Speaker 3:Well, there's a list. What comes to mind first here? Really, like any dad, at times I think I struggle with being patient because I see potential and I see what they're capable of, and so when they make blunders but that's my struggle is I understand how important patience is, because and I also understand that you can't have a feeling in the home that a mistake is more than a mistake right, we know that. We know that failure is just part of the game. We know that you've got to learn through mistakes, and so I hope that, at the core, that you bounce back from our mistakes and it's OK. But I realize that probably one of my weaknesses that I have to be totally aware of is just patience, making sure that I'm OK with mistakes and blunders along the way.
Speaker 2:Do you have any ideas for those that struggle with patience, because Corey and I have been public about this? Oh yeah, we both.
Speaker 1:It's my weakness too.
Speaker 2:We both struggle with that and I think we've both gotten better at it through some ideas. So do you have any ideas you can share with the listeners about what you've done to increase patience, or is this a current struggle that we shouldn't ask about?
Speaker 3:No, no, this is free game. This is free game. I've actually found that humor has really helped me in the sense that when I have an urge to kind of react or like holy cow, what are we doing here? For example, you're sitting down and want to have a family discussion of any form and there's no order or whatever. It's like hey, guys, shape up, or type thing, I realize that just in laughing about it, Because they don't care, they don't want to sit down and have dad provide family order or structure or discussion, and so I found that if I'm just kind of laughing and just kind of observing of their child-like nature, it helps.
Speaker 3:And then I have to go this direction because I feel like it is really the impetus to really any character traits that I'm trying to develop, and that is I have to tell you that as I strive to become more like the savior and emulate his characteristics in general just obviously meekness and patience that helps when I have the spirit with me and I feel like I'm being led in that way. That's easily the simplest truth for me is that I'm less impatient. In fact, I'm at my best, frankly, if I have the spirit with me.
Speaker 1:You probably have it. It's easier to go to humor instead of frustration, even when you have the spirit right.
Speaker 3:Yes, because I think the savior would laugh at frustrating things. I think he was human, he was perfect, as we know, but I think he would have found appropriate situations humorous and didn't get worked out about things obviously.
Speaker 1:I'm going to use that. I don't think I've heard the humor one, although I inherently have done the same. When I'm at my best, I've inherently just laughed it off or gifed off or been, in a positive way, sarcastic with the kids. Ok, I guess you're not going to listen to me, you know. Whatever. So I need to double down on that. I appreciate you sharing that, because I don't think that specific way has been addressed on the podcast. That's a smart thing to do, because that allows yourself to get over yourself also.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you just sounded out.
Speaker 2:Sometimes, I'm just too serious. Yeah, we study each night as a family and the dog is always in this mix and the dog is a year old and it's always jumping and wanting to play while I'm trying to teach a principle or read the scriptures or pray with my kids and I'm like and last night it's funny that this gets brought up, because last night I was like that sure was easy to teach while you guys were all playing with the dog there you go. And I laughed about it because in the past I've been like would you guys just leave the dang dog alone for like three seconds? Why, we have an important conversation, please, and that doesn't usually work.
Speaker 1:People who listen to the podcast have heard this many times, but I always tell my kids that happiness is a choice, and they now are old enough to use that against me. So if I get frustrated in that situation, like dad happiness is a choice.
Speaker 3:And it works almost every time.
Speaker 1:I say that because I've been saying that to them for 17, 18 years, and so, anyway, happiness is a choice, dad, which it is, I believe that right. So most of the time. So you could choose to laugh at it or you could choose to get frustrated. It's just a choice. It's just you have that three second pause that you talked about earlier today to get over yourself. So you're obviously a pretty religious guy. Believe in Christ, believe in following the promptings of the spirit, kind of a thing. Talk to us about how do you teach your kids that part of yourself and how do you share that with them so that they have that in their lives going forward?
Speaker 3:I love the question. One would argue that that's maybe the most important thing I could teach them to receive personal revelation and to gain an awareness and a testimony of where they're from, who they are, what their potential is, all through their Heavenly Father right. So it's consistency for us, it's every opportunity we get, if it's just something minor in the mornings, but from a tactical application it's not just the consistency and it's doing those things. It's then giving each of them to share how were you guided, what inspiration have you received? And allowing them to hopefully recount it so that they can remember it, and then challenging them to write it down and I can't tell you that I have anything to do with that. That's my wife. She always encouraged them to write down their experiences, and the girls are just more now. Our son, jonah, was like me, so no judgment. We would never go write anything down.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I need to write that down.
Speaker 3:And it was less inclined to do it. But our daughters, for whatever reason, they enjoy it and, thankfully, my wife. That's been super important for her because she knows that she's been able to write down and recount these experiences later on. But because it's building blocks right, it's the experiences that they have getting them to acknowledge that hey, that was more than a coincidence. If you give credit to that coincidence, it becomes a miracle from your Heavenly Father, and I like that idea. The difference between a miracle and a coincidence is who you give credit to, right, and it's helping them understand that. Ok, enough of these coincidences of sorts. You are being guided and directed. You have the influence of the Spirit with you. Your Heavenly Father is mindful of the details of your life, and just as much awareness around those things as possible is, I think, our responsibility as parents.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've tried to teach my kids that I'm a huge believer in prayer and revelation and because it's worked and when I'm at my best, I'm in that mode of being able to receive it right and in the habit of being there and in that space that you find yourself when you can listen and you can react, so you try to give your kids that and I think that's a huge thing. Whether that's meditation for some, prayer for others, I think it's important that you listen and that you allow yourself to be guided and you have that peace. There's peace that comes in. That. I think, too, it's remarkable, yeah, so thanks for sharing that.
Speaker 2:Well, it's kind of like letting your kids loose with a tool, right? Eventually they're going to leave the house, like your oldest son has, and you hope that when you're not there on a daily basis and you're not there to protect and to guide and to give advice 24-7, that they've got some type of a tool that they can take with them that will do all those things in your place. That's right, so I really like that idea.
Speaker 2:You've alluded several times to your wife, her influence on your kids, your relationship, the intentionality that you guys have together. How have you strengthened your relationship with your wife over the last 20 years? Have you kept this culture of both of you moving in the same direction?
Speaker 3:Listen to her more, right.
Speaker 3:Wise man just said so she comes from seven siblings. She has one sister, six brothers, and the culture of her home was just love, everybody loved. I mean just a really incredible culture. Her parents were just always just taught by love. They were not micromanagers, they just kind of set an expectation, taught some principles of the gospel, and then there's just a really overwhelming culture of love in their home. And then my culture parents incredible as well. But I was one among four other sisters, so I was right in the middle of two older, two younger sisters and there was a little more of a competitive, a little more of a if you didn't get what you wanted, you kind of battle or yell, and a little more. So it was.
Speaker 3:It's interesting merging our family dynamics together, because my son and I, when we have a disagreement, will argue and it hurts my life's little spirit because she's just so sensitive and that's I would say that's a blessing. I mean it's she's so. She likes harmony, right and so. But I realized that she's right and that feeling of harmony in the home is really where I want to be, type thing. And but there is some friendly banter in our home. My 15, or sorry, my 16 year old daughter and I, we banter a lot and it's sometimes it's probably less effective, but most of the time it's fun and well-spirited and that type of thing I've learned from her and I think that's what's helped us stay on the same page and working towards the same thing, because that's quite a blessing.
Speaker 3:I know that there's listeners that would listen to this podcast and say, well, I had those same ambitions and my spouse didn't, and you know that's why there was a division and I have zero credit to say that. I'm just grateful that we've had the same. We've been aligned on what's important in our family. We've been aligned on, you know, what we'll invest our time into and obviously we've been faithful to each other in terms of just the simple things being honest and communicating and all those things. And so I just feel fortunate that I was one of the ones that picked a partner, that we were aligned in all those things, and the closer I've got to just her overwhelming, just parent by love and having harmony, I think it has been the right ingredient for a marriage that's continuing to grow and learn and thrive.
Speaker 1:And we've talked in the past quite a bit on the podcast about this idea of unconditional love and that being a key recipe. You might call it in any family, right, like, even if you're not that great of a parent or you have a ton of you know issues like I do, my kids will listen, they know. Even if you have all these issues, you know as a parent, if you've got the unconditional love thing going for you, you're gonna be okay. I think you might not be as disciplined as you should be or you might not, you know, have come from the greatest background ever, but you can try to show unconditional love and when I screw up, I just back it up with okay, dad, screwed up and go in with unconditional love again, Right?
Speaker 1:So for those that are listening, I think that's. I think what you just said is an important one, that your wife's example of this idea of just you know what Everyone's not perfect and we're not going to be as parents and the kids aren't going to be but if they feel like there's, I think there's trust and there's forgiveness, that comes when there's an underlying place of unconditional love, you know, and so not that that's easy. I'm not saying that's easy. If you didn't culturally come up that way, it's a little harder. You know you have to do it on purpose. But I think the more we've talked on the podcast 120-something episodes the more that that idea of unconditional love is probably a cornerstone to a good marriage, to a good family.
Speaker 2:So I appreciate you bringing that up Well, and I love that idea, like just that simple quote, that unconditional love can overcome every parental mistake or spousal mistake, or you know like we all feel like we fall short a little bit. But if we have unconditional love for the people that love us and they do to us, then any of those mistakes can be forgiven and moved on from.
Speaker 3:That's powerful, I have to tell you. I'm obviously a parent or a student parent, right, learning as we go here. So my 19-year-old I feel inclined to share this with you. So, really athletic, I played high school basketball but leading up to that I was his super league basketball coach. I don't know why I thought I could coach super league. I mean, I played a little bit of basketball but I didn't know the first thing I was doing.
Speaker 3:But it's interesting the mistakes you make along the way. I guess that's why I feel like it's helpful to share is it'll be interesting to see him navigate when he comes home from his mission and that type of thing. Because I was unnecessarily critical of him growing up, because I saw his potential. I was inpatient and some kids really take well to their parents coaching them in sports and different things and, for whatever reason, that just wasn't a dynamic that we had. So year after year it was just a battle. I saw his potential so I was pushing him like I would any other kid on the team, but it really was a resistance type thing and so I don't want to make that mistake with my three daughters and, for whatever reason, I don't even have the natural inclination to be as critical I. Generally it's just more intuitive to celebrate their success and the good things that they're doing, and for him it was pretty intuitive to nitpick and be critical and I think a lot of that started with trying to do the right thing by being his coach, giving him opportunity.
Speaker 3:And again the ideas started with a positive desire and I think that unfortunately, so many years it was, although we had a great relationship, I did everything I could, every business out of town meeting. I would actually have my son tag along he's seen a lot of the different parts of the country and even world just tag along with dad, because I really wanted him to experience it all. I saw his potential. I was excited to have him to have all the experience I didn't.
Speaker 3:So again, I don't want to paint a bleak picture, but I also want to share that if there's a dad out there that has kids or a mom out there that has kids that plays athletics and it goes back to the unconditional love, you can't get hung up on their high school sports. You can't get hung up on how they played in that game. I was the dad legit that made a fool of himself. That would be yelling at his son right after the game in front of other parents and stuff. I was that buffoon that was so charged up and felt like it was so important to teach a principal that I would get after him. I was literally that guy that you'd see in the movies.
Speaker 3:It was like losing his cool and my son's the most forgiving dude in the world. He's just chill, right. He's more like his mom in that regard. But I hope that somebody can listen to it, because I have a friend that we were playing Turkey Bowl together and he's talking about his son going through high school and he's a really. His son's a great athlete and he's a great dad and any chance I get I say, dude, just love him Like, don't get hung up on that game, don't get hung up on trying to coach everything, don't get critical about what they're doing, just love him Like, just enjoy it. And I hope that anybody can benefit from what I didn't do right in that regard.
Speaker 1:That's a good one. I mean that happens to lots of parents and I think every parent. I mean you did everything you did out of love. Ultimately, I mean it wasn't like you didn't care because you didn't love him. You cared because you were his coach, because you loved him. You want him to do his best, because you love him right. So it is coming from a place of love.
Speaker 1:And I'll say to you that my dad was the same way. I don't know when this happened, probably somewhere in my 20s. I knew my dad was so bad that my mom would make him go sit in the truck because she was embarrassed, right and so, and I was that way with my son a little bit, I was a little more cautious, only because I had had the experience of my dad and we talked about it as a family. So what you're doing right now probably affect generations, but your son will look back, no matter what, even though I mean I am so thankful that my dad was that guy, I'm so thankful that he was my coach in like three different sports and over time he learned, like when we played football I was an offense and he was the coach for defense, like on purpose, but it took him years and years right and I saw that I have that same thing in me. My little boy plays tennis and it's everything I have at the end of every match, like I have written notes in everything I want to tell him.
Speaker 3:That's right.
Speaker 1:And I just put it in my pocket, you know, and I might get around to telling his coach at this point Like these are the things I wrote down in his last match he needs to work on, because if I tell him he's just like your son, he's, he's just going to say whatever that like you're just. It feels like I'm harping on him, not that I'm loving on him, right. Anyway, I guess my whole point of that whole long thing was he's going to love that about. He's going to know as he matures. He might know today that even though maybe it wasn't perfect in his eyes, it'll be pretty dang close because he'll know where it came from.
Speaker 3:I appreciate that and I trust that to be true. He's just an incredibly young man and thanks for sharing that that's. It's powerful because a lot of our motivations are coming from a great place of love, totally. And you see that what kills you is. You see their potential and I hope that it's appropriate for anybody listening. But you have to think. Our Supreme Creator, our Heavenly Father, whatever he is to you, he's looking down at us all the time saying I see your potential.
Speaker 2:So much potential. You idiot, what are you doing?
Speaker 1:No, that's true. Yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 2:Well, every I think I think this is an epiphany that I've had, as as I've become a father and I feel this parental love towards my children. It's a different type of love than than any other type of love and I don't know that I fully understood and I I still don't readily admit I still don't, but I know a little portion of what God must feel like towards me now because I have that feeling towards my own and I think that's part of the plan for us to, you know, have families and have influence on other people because we develop a Godlike love towards those that look to us as we look to God. So I love that. I love that idea. Holy cow, the podcast has gone by super fast. Today. We want to give you an ample time to answer the last question that we ask all of our podcast guests, which you know the question. But what do you think it means to be a gentleman?
Speaker 3:Well, I better answer this question right, because I have my wife and three daughters that I think of when I, but the word that comes to mind for me and I've had a chance to think about this is present. A gentleman is mindful of those around him and and very personal to me, it's I'm mindful of my eight year old when I come home and she's telling me a story that happened at dance and how she clicked heads with one of the girls and you know it bonked her head and it hurt.
Speaker 3:And that was the story yesterday and and I heard it, but I can tell you there's other times I didn't even hear what she was saying. She was talking but I didn't actually capture the details of the story. So, for me, being a gentleman is being present, being actual, aware, and when I'm communicating in my home and in my family, that they can sense that they don't have to tell the story a second time because dad's capturing it, that I am totally present and appreciating what they're saying and that they have my time and attention. And as an entrepreneur, I'll blame it on that, or maybe I'll just blame it on my brain.
Speaker 3:Whatever it is, it's so easy for me if I'm not deliberately trying to be present, meaning my phone's in a different place, or I've dedicated that physical, mental, emotional time to what Bailey, macy, josie or Lindsay are talking to me about that I, it's so easy to not be present. And I'm there physically, but not past that, and that's that's where I would say I'm falling short of of being a gentleman. And so I love the word present and I love it because by just declaring it in this setting, I'm challenging myself to be even more present, realizing I'm not perfect at it, but I I can definitely pinpoint the times that I am and the impact that it has.
Speaker 2:Well, it's a it's progress. It's not a destination, right. So each of us that are listening to this and hearing you say that every single one of us can be more present, right, but every one of us can improve by a degree to be more present with the people that we're with. Whether we're checking our phone at dinner or just you can tell when somebody's with you and when they're a little bit somewhere else. So I love that challenge, I love your definition. So thanks for that. It was a good reminder. Well, well.
Speaker 1:I was going to say. As we get older, I think we are more aware of how important presence is. You know I'm I'm minor, my Angus is 10. So I have 10, 14 and 17. And I'm just holding on now Thinking, holy crap, my 17 year old's already. She's moving to New York, you know, next year for school, and so she's going to be far away. My fortranial old won't will be driving, you know, he's almost 15. He'll be driving before long and then I won't see him quite as much, because that's what happens when they start driving. And I'm holding on to my 10 year old daughter with everything I've got and all of a sudden, being present is probably in some ways more important to me than it is them. Like I get home and I'm like, okay, let's be present together.
Speaker 3:Well, I got to go to a friend's and I got to go do this.
Speaker 1:I'm like no, no, I need my time, you know, and and I think early in my career I definitely wasn't as present as I should have been. So I think, for those listening, especially if you're, you know, there's times and seasons don't get me wrong when you're an entrepreneur, there's times when, oh my gosh, I've got to focus on my business, and but I think the older you get, the older your kids get, the more you realize that what you just said is true, in that I need to be present. I'm like craving the presence now, because I know what's going to happen. So they're going to be gone, you know it's wild.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's wild.
Speaker 1:So thank you for that. I appreciate that that's a good reminder.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's a challenge for all of us. And I'm man, it's such a great honor to be a parent, and, and, and if you're not a parent, you know, literally, are you a parent to your nieces and nephews, are you? But I just, I mean, it's a responsibility, for sure, but it's, it's our greatest duty and opportunity, I think.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you for joining us. This was great.
Speaker 3:This was great.
Speaker 2:It was great content. It was outside the realm of your normal interview. I'm sure to talk about these things and not so much business but you did a great job at conveying your beliefs and the things that I think. I'm going to take several of the things that you said today into my own life and and hopefully improve the relationships I've got in my life as well. So if you're listening to the podcast and you like Mark's episode, mark's episode share it with somebody.
Speaker 2:I'm, I'm, I think about people when I hear our guests talk. That's why I say this sometimes at the end of the podcast. If someone's name popped into your head while you were listening to this content, there's a reason why you thought of that person. And even if it's something that, like Mark, talked about and your dad or your mom taught you that, send them a text and say you know what I was thinking today. You taught me this and I am so grateful that you taught me that. So, take, take, I don't care what it is today, if you're listening to the podcast and you liked it and you heard something and it kind of pierced your heart a little bit, take action on it, whether it's sitting down with your kids and being more accessible, being more present, working on the relationship with your spouse, working on faith, whatever it was like. Just take a little bit of action today and and share the episode with somebody that that you think might benefit from it.
Speaker 2:Thanks for doing that. We appreciate you sticking with us. We didn't really do an annual third anniversary podcast episode Like. We're over three years now and I guess once you get over two years, you're just like, yep, still doing it, still doing it and we're still chugging along. So thank you, thank you for sticking with us and helping us. We're in the top 3% of podcasts worldwide. We don't do a lot of advertising. It's 100% organic People sharing the podcast because they like the content. So we appreciate you doing that. Dropping us a rating and a review wherever you get your podcasts helps us out a ton and helps people find us as well. So thanks again. I'm Kirk Chug.
Speaker 1:And I'm Corey Moore, and go out there and be present with your family. Thanks, mark.
Speaker 3:Thank you guys.
