The Gentlemen Project Podcast
Bi-weekly podcast highlighting impactful stories of parents and what they do to be successful at home and at work. Helping you turn the time you have with your kids into time well spent helping them learn the most important lessons in life. The Gentlemen Project Podcast is hosted by Kirk Chugg and Cory Moore-friends who are passionate about fatherhood and raising the next generation of great kids.
The Gentlemen Project Podcast
Understanding Healthy Masculinity and Accessing the Divine with Bubba Page
This episode dives deep into Bubba Page's transformative journey through fatherhood, faith, and personal growth. Bubba shares insights on vulnerability, emotional healing, and actionable strategies for fathers to lead with intention and purpose.
• Bubba's upbringing shaped his values of hard work and faith
• The impact of fatherhood on personal growth and vulnerability
• Importance of understanding attachment styles in parenting
• Tactical fatherhood: implementing business strategies at home
• Emotional healing through faith as a necessity for nurturing relationships
• Redefining masculinity: a balance of strength and empathy
• Encouragement for fathers to reflect on their journeys and support one another
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Welcome to the Gentleman Project Podcast. I'm Corey Moore and I'm Kirk.
Speaker 2:Chug Bubba Page joins us today in the podcast studio and Bubba is a good friend of both mine and Corey's. We've known each other for years. Bubba is one of those guys. If you follow him on social media, you know what his passions are. His passions are family, faith, fitness, friends yeah, pretty much right. Fitness friends yeah, pretty much right. Fatherhood Fatherhood that's kind of family. Yeah, I guess. Baba has eight children and he is a very purposeful father. Love the things that he's doing with his kids. Looked up to him as a father for a long time. Grateful to have him on the podcast. Kids Looked up to him as a father for a long time. Grateful to have him on the podcast.
Speaker 1:Both Corey and I, I think, know Bubba from like old school corporate alliance days back. Well, I was joking when he first walked in. I'm like, dude, I really, really like you, but I need to see you more than every 10 years. Yeah, 10 years is a little too long. So a lot's happened since we saw each other last in our lives, so we have a lot of catching up to do on the podcast.
Speaker 2:Well, and Bubba, I knew that Bubba and I also had the catching up to do, so I invited him to go over to the club right before this and we got talking and there's so much cool stuff that he's working on. That, I think, just works hand in hand with what the gentleman project is all about and the things that we've been trying to put out in the world for the last three and a half years with the podcast, and you're just excited about the synergy and the energy that he brings to the fatherhood space, to the parenting space. So we are going to pick your brain today. Let's do this and get to know who Bubba page is and what Bubba Bubba page does to to connect with his children and and leave a legacy with with the next generation in the Page family. So can we talk to you a little bit first about the, the way that you were raised, what your background is with your parents and how you grew up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely and and and. To incorporate kind of the 10-year catching up piece, because it really probably has been that long. You know, a lot's been going on in life, right, we've all been building businesses. I had an exit in 2020 and started doing more investing, and so today it's influencevc oh, very cool Helping people with. We're still writing checks. And then it's the group. It's a syndication, so usually our group of investors invests in and then we bring social media influencers to help blow up those businesses.
Speaker 1:Oh cool, hence the name influence. No wonder he was like guys, you need to get in the 21st century with your whole podcast. We need a video. What are you?
Speaker 3:doing. I mean, look, my first decade of my career was more in like B2B and tech and sales. That's the company I built and sold, and then the last 10 years was around social media.
Speaker 1:I could definitely take notes then, because I'm not good at that.
Speaker 3:Right, we're here, we're friends, we can help, and so a lot of catching up. I think 10 years ago I maybe had three children.
Speaker 1:Now I have eight, so four boys four girls.
Speaker 3:It's interesting because I grew up the youngest of four kids and my kid's mom just was a middle of three and so we didn't have that very many kids. And so, as we continue to have children, it felt right that we were supposed to have them when we went from um six to seven. Uh was so fascinating is um. She had been praying for twins, like our entire, our entire relationship, and um, no idea. But we go to the ultrasound and there they are twins, number seven and eight. So we end our children's with number seven, eight as twins, boy, girl, twins. They're now four and a half years old and it is so wild and pure chaos all the time in our house it has to be, but it's amazing. The kids are best friends. They love hanging out with each other.
Speaker 3:So you know, if, if we talk about my upbringing, I was born here in Utah, moved in first grade to San Francisco, so went to the Bay area, um, and I loved being raised out there. I probably wouldn't move back there right now. I love Utah so much, um, but was raised out there. And then my senior year of high school, dad got a job in Arizona and, uh, that's where we moved. So I ended up finishing my last year of high school in Arizona, mesa, um and, and everybody's like, oh, that must have been really hard. Uh, the reality is I got best friends now from Arizona and from California and as a teenage boy it might've been harder for a girl, but as a teenage boy I was like the fresh meat of the high school. It was great.
Speaker 1:Are you kidding me?
Speaker 3:It was the guys welcomed me there, the girls welcomed me there. It was. It ended up being wonderful and they came out here to BYU. Um, loved my time at BYU, served at an LDS Mormon mission for two years in Brazil, got back married for 17 years, eight children and recently went through a divorce. So, uh, if we're saying catching up, there's my there's a lot of my one or two minute
Speaker 3:catch up in just uh, in just a little bit. But um, talking about upbringing with my dad, uh, you know, jeff page, he's a doctor, podiatrist. Um, he was a work guy, like always a worker bee, just working, working like crazy. And in san francisco you commuted to the city, normal hours you could get there and maybe 35, 45 minutes. Um, during rush hour it was like an hour and a half.
Speaker 3:So, he'd be up and out before any of us were awake and then he'd get back late in the evening and, um, a wonderful human, uh, but he just wasn't around as much and so, uh, it was interesting cause, um, you know. So you know, I became really close with my mom and I, of course, loved my dad and I knew he loved me, but he just wasn't around as often. But I did learn, as I watched that process, the importance of hard work, and when he was around on the weekends and later in the evenings, that was like his core focus hard work, hard work, hard work. And so I feel like I learned some of those things. And and, being an entrepreneur, you better know how to work hard.
Speaker 3:Some I think the younger generation, they they see entrepreneurship or, uh, and they think that that's their way to work less and it's like, well, hold up decade, you know, and you building something that that is successful, uh, but you better be ready to work harder than anyone else for the first 10 years, um, and then maybe things can slow down, but I think that was one of the main things that he taught that and faith a very faithful man and and always kind of brought that up into our lives and, um, I, I remember, you know I was always faithful in in my church, but I didn't really become more awakened to the reality of the church for me until it was 2016.
Speaker 3:So I'm an adult, I'm married with kids, and that's for me, when I had, like this awakening, a religious awakening for me, and you know, a lot of times I think, uh, guys, our age and either, either way they go, no judgment, love everybody. Um, but sometimes when you get you know, in those mid thirties and forties, you start to realize maybe that religion you grew up with isn't for you anymore. And so I've watched a lot of friends go that route and and you know, I love them to death and and they can make their choices for whatever reason. For me it was the opposite and I dove deeper into my faith and it was almost like the more that I started to learn, the more I knew I didn't know, so the more that phrase it started becoming more and more apparent that I needed it more in my life.
Speaker 3:And now, having gone through some of the harder challenges that come with life and experience, um, I'm so grateful I've been able to lean on God through some of those trials and challenges and and to feel that support and to feel, uh, the miracles of him. Knowing my soul, my, my internal you know workings of my heart of him, knowing my soul, my internal workings of my heart, I don't know how I could have gotten through something like a divorce without that. And so my goal now, as a father of four boys and four girls, I've been trying my best to teach how important that faith is, along with the other core principles of working hard and being honest and and and things like that. But faith has definitely been one of the strongest pieces for me. So there you go. Cheers to that right.
Speaker 1:Cheers Diet Coke. Cheers that's awesome you were. You mentioned when we first started the podcast, before we started, that you have some adventure planning and you're launching a new webpage. Is that correct? Can you tell us about that and where that came from? I'm assuming it's through this journey you just talked to us about Absolutely.
Speaker 3:Yeah, jeez, this last year has been a journey to 2024. Woo, I got tired One hell of a year.
Speaker 3:It was a good one for me A lot of learning, okay. So here's the gist 2024 for me, um was definitely a wake up call. And uh, and you know, for those who are listening, who've been through a divorce or who have, who have at least had someone tell them I want a divorce or a separation, or maybe even saying the words I love you, but I'm not in love with you. You know, some of us have heard that before or maybe there's infidelity or something. It's like. Those are some core pieces.
Speaker 3:There's a book I read called the Bulletproof Husband and they call those things the slap. Okay, I've got to point to this story. But if someone, if your spouse, has ever come to you and I'm talking to men here, because I believe that's who's listening so if your spouse has ever come to you and has said, look, I want to separate, I want a divorce, had an affair or I love you, I'm not in love with you, consider that the slap to wake you up. If that has occurred, most likely your wife has been thinking about those things for a minimum of two years, if not longer, and it has now become apparent that she needed to wake you up, and this could even be a subconscious nature she may not even recognize that she's waking you up. Most men don't wake up, right? We hear those things, right? Whoa, what is this? Where is this coming from? How is this happening? What? And, unfortunately, if we don't take that moment to wake up, um and and start to learn about ourselves, uh, there may become more problems and and and obviously everyone has their agencies and choices that we all make, and that's part of God's plan here on this earth.
Speaker 3:Um, but what I would hope for those who are listening is that, if that has happened to you, or if it does in the future, please consider this a wake up call to do a deep dive on yourself, because the only thing that you can change is you. And um, it was. It was an absolute wake up call, uh, to recognize that there is something called childhood wounds. I didn't even know that it existed. Um, whether you have a big T trauma or little T trauma, all of us have something that had happened in our past, or the lack of something, um that didn't happen, whether you didn't feel loved. Uh, you know the way that you need it. Um, and I think, as men, we don't we don't talk about this very often, cause we're kind of like, yeah, what are you doing for business? Or what are you doing with this, or everything's great, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:How are you? How are you doing? Oh great, never better.
Speaker 3:And if we really really got down to brass tacks you know they're dying inside, like every one of us has gone through some sort of a hell, and probably more than one time in our lives and if we can start to have these more vulnerable conversations, I think we can start to help each other heal. By sharing some of these stories today is it will allow men, fathers, to wake up to the realization that they can and should be able to feel these emotions that are deep inside. I know for me, I spent 40 years shoving them down and it wasn't until this last year now I'm 41, to recognize that so much was deep inside and until I took this deeper dive, it helped. I'm going to list a few books so if people are listening, you can write them down and dive in, and it's a lot of them are going to be about masculinity, and I consider masculinity to not be. You know beards and guns and cigars. You know cigars, but it's more of to me, it's more of like a Christ-like masculinity. I mean he is the ultimate example of a divine masculine being and um, the world obviously preaches toxic masculinity most of the time and if we really think about how Christ lived his life. He would be kind and caring and have charity for people, but then he could throw tables in the temple and he was a protector and he was, as this masterful um strength to the people and his followers, um, and so you have this, this unique masculinity. That, uh, one we don't talk about, um, cause it's just not something that we're talking about sports or business or money or you know whatever. And so when I think about these books and so I'll list some, one is going to be called the masculine in relationship. That one will help dive into our, our true masculinity and how we can become as masculine as you need, and I'll tell you why in just a second. There's one called fathered by God, which is unique Christian Christ centered type process, um by John Eldridge.
Speaker 3:Um, I'm making sure oh, my phone's over there, I was going to look at my, my audible to make sure I don't miss any of these books. There's one called how to do the work, by Nicole LaPrera. She also wrote um how to become the Love you Seek. Those are really helpful for both men and women to take a deeper dive on doing what they call, you know, the work, which is internal work. Yeah, um, let me make sure I'm not missing.
Speaker 3:Uh, oh, if you're married, I think one of the best books, uh, as a married couple to read together to take a deeper dive on both spouses, is called secure love and this booklet, secure love, by Julie Menino. She has a large social following, she's a doctor and she's just an expert in her craft. Um, it will take you through something called attachment styles. There's a book for single people If you're listening, um, read the book attached and, uh, for, for married, secure love, single attached. They're written in ways that are better for you know, whether you're single or married, um, but they have similar teachings about this attachment style and, and I'm going to simplify everything, but you have secure, which is the goal that we can all become secure within ourselves and in our love and our relationship.
Speaker 3:Most of us have something like an anxious attachment or an avoidant attachment, and there's more details, but we're going to simplify it to just those. And so, if you have an anxious attachment, most likely you're seeking and pursuing that love, whereas an avoidant person and most relationships have one or the other the avoidant is kind of running away and the anxious is pursuing. So you have this dynamic of pursuing and running away and that's a dramatic way of saying it, but usually that happens and these attachment styles come because of our upbringing in our childhood and I have had and have been working on becoming more secure. But I definitely recognize that I was more anxious in my relationship and being anxious I would pursue more frequently. And if someone is more avoidant, that person might feel smothered or might want to distance themselves.
Speaker 3:And if you don't understand each other in that way that negative cycle will just keep going over and over and over again. And so even just the knowledge and doing some study about, oh, if I'm more anxious and I come across this way, that might push that person away, so okay, so if I, if I understand that, then I won't be offended. If that person says, you know, I might need a little bit of space, I would take it personally and I'd say, oh, my gosh, what's wrong with me? In the reality, that person just needs a little bit of space, has nothing to do with you and um, and and.
Speaker 3:So there's ways of of understanding, having more compassion and empathy for one another, that, if the spouses can, can communicate and understand themselves internally better and and then dig deeper on why they feel that way. And I felt that way, I think, because of my relationship with my mom and um, when you really really think deep and you, you uncover layers, um, it it comes down to the relationships of, of our upbringing, um. What's interesting, now that I've been single for a little little bit, I can find myself being slightly more avoidant. So you can shift depending on your life circumstances, uh, being single and, and recently you know, in the dating world, which is so odd, uh to know in the dating world, which is so odd to be 41 in the dating world with eight children.
Speaker 2:Put that on your profile. It's definitely unique.
Speaker 3:In big letters right up front.
Speaker 3:Exactly Single ready? No, I'm definitely not in any hurry or any rush, but I've recognized myself being a little bit more avoidant, Um, and so I've just been, but even just being self-aware that that's what I'm doing, and so I I try to over-communicate with some of these women that I'll I'll go on dates with, to make sure they understand I'm not ready for, you know, an in-depth relationship quite yet, and I'm just new. You know, I'm three and a half months out of a divorce and this is when I started dating anyway. So attachment styles is something that, if you're listening, please, please, even if you just Google or use ChatGPT to get like the summary of it, you don't even have to read the full book yet, but if it is intriguing to you, then dive in. Right, the book Attached. Or the book Secure Love if you're married. Right, the book attached. Or the book secure love if you're married. Um and uh, it can be a total game changer for us as men to understand both ourselves and our spouse, or even the people you're dating, and maybe why they respond, or actor or or are a certain way.
Speaker 3:Um, okay, now let's talk about healing a little bit, okay. So healing, uh, I know there's many healing modalities out there and I'm not an expert in in the healing world. Um, for me, I've leaned on God as as the primary source of healing for me. Uh, but things like breath work, uh, like meditation, um, I even was at a healing retreat with these men and we did Tai Chi and the way that it was I don't know if you've seen it's like the slow kind of karate movements. I thought it was wacky and definitely woo woo, but the way that it was being guided to process those emotions kind of had me stuck almost in a way that by opening up and allowing the tears to really flow can be a benefit.
Speaker 3:I have found, and through some of these books, like there's also a men's program called Bulletproof Husband that I went through and it was interesting to hear that for most men to process emotion there's a slightly unique, it's a different way than women process emotion. In order for us to get the true depth of tears, the true like gut-wrenching feelings, is, sometimes we have to scream it out. And I'm not a big screamer, that's not my personality, I'd much rather be, you know, calm, cool and collected. But it was interesting because I tried. I was like I was in an open place. I'm like okay, if they're telling me. So they're like, look, obviously be alone, don't be around anybody.
Speaker 2:And of course never your children.
Speaker 3:I know, seriously. But they were like somebody's murdering, no joke, uh. But they were like look, if you're in your car, you're alone. Um, if you need, just you know, really feel the pain or the things that you have been feeling and just start to scream like until your voice goes out and um and it.
Speaker 3:It says that usually after two or three minutes. Sometimes it might take somebody longer than that. But, uh, and you can even envision if somebody has hurt you, uh, if somebody's wronged you, you can even visualize that person in the car next to you and you can say whatever, because they're not there, nobody's recording you, it's not going to, you know, be on social media or in a legal course at court, say whatever you need to say, and it can be as ugly and as nasty as you need to say. By allowing yourself to do this, most of the time, if you're doing it with true intent, the tears will start to come. And you know grown men sobbing to where there's snot all over their face, and you're trying, you know, bring a towel. I have found that that has alleviated, by layer upon layer, this level of healing that I never knew existed. And and it and it feels as if it's like a key and that some may be able to do it without this whole like screaming thing. But for whatever reason, uh, you know these programs had taught that. You know men doing this can achieve this level of healing deeper.
Speaker 3:Um, and and then, for me, I love to worship in a safe, uh, a holy place. Wherever that holy place is for you find it, and um, where you worship your God, whether it's the universe, or, or Jesus, or you know, that's that's up to you. And so when I go in worship, I go into the temple. For me, and that depth of emotion no, I'm not screaming in the temple, it's a pretty quiet place. That'd be a little distracting, um, but I, I feel like I can communicate at a deeper level with God and um, of course, you can worship and talk to God anywhere and anytime. There is no requirement to be in a holy place. God is, you know, he doesn't, he would just want you to talk to him. But, for whatever reason, I think it's just less distractions. Um, I know my bed on my phone. It's peaceful, it's calm.
Speaker 3:That, to me, has been a place of communicating with God, and what I've tried to do is listen, because I believe God speaks, talks back, and that he'll fill our heart and our minds with certain things that we need to do. And so there've been moments where I would be in this kind of meditative state and um, and praying and talking to my, my God, um, and I try to share what I'm grateful for, um, because even if you're going through the bitterness of hell, uh, you should still be able to find something that you're grateful for. And I just I find it to be a key when you're talking to God is to just express at least one thing that you're grateful you're alive, and you may not feel like you want to be alive in that moment, but you know, you still have that, you know, or your kids, or your health, or something, something you can think of, that you can be grateful for. And then I just talked to him. I just talked to him like we would be talking here.
Speaker 1:And uh.
Speaker 3:I don't, it's not formal. I'm sharing my thoughts, my, my emotions, my fears, and, um most of the time I don't hear some audible voice, I don't see an angel, I don't you know no grand something happens.
Speaker 3:But most of the time I can feel something in my mind and in my heart, and it's usually just a thought or an impression, and what I found is that, if I can hear it and then listen to it and act on it, no matter how hard it is like maybe apologizing to somebody that you've wronged and something comes into your heart and you're like, oh my gosh, that happened 10 years ago.
Speaker 3:I can't believe I did that. I never really apologized, I never truly. Something isn't going to come into your mind. It may just have come into your mind right this moment, as you're listening. You maybe just thought of an experience like, oh yeah, shoot, and it's probably going to suck to have to go back to whoever that person was, um, and to apologize. But I can guarantee you that if you listen to what just happened to your heart and that instruction that you were given, um, that you will receive more from God as you listen to those feelings.
Speaker 3:And the reason why I'm bringing kind of this holistic approach of of healing and the benefits of of, you know, working on your relationship and you're, you know, diving deep inside of you is, I think, when we heal ourselves, we are a thousand times better at becoming the true masculine, the true gentleman, and really what I think are one of our main purposes here on this earth is to be an amazing father. And look, we've all yelled before as a father. Look, there isn't a single father out there that has not yelled at least once. Most of the time, it's because we were triggered by something, whether you know, they didn't listen to our authority. Right, we're the dad, we're the man of the house. Um, or maybe they lied, or maybe uh you know, they hit their sibling or something.
Speaker 3:Um, if we're not in a state of mind where we've kind of worked on ourselves, how can we be as good of fathers as we could be if we were not able to be in control of our own emotions?
Speaker 3:And I've found that, as I've worked more on myself, not in a selfish way but in a way that it provides healing, that, and the closer I feel like I'm with God, then I can receive instruction on what my children need and having eight, that's a lot of instruction.
Speaker 3:And as I pray for them by name and each individually, I can receive help to know what they might need. And even if it's not something grandiose it might just be a sentence or maybe a hug, or just a smile or a little note. But, man, I can promise you that God wants to talk to us and more than anything, he is our father and we are fathers to his spiritual children on this earth. And when we can listen to what he wants us to say, you can't go wrong. Um, and so I've noticed, with this deep inner healing that I've been going through, that it's helped me to be more in tune with my own children's needs, and the fatherhoodmovementcom is launching in a couple of weeks and the tagline is is tune in. Because I think if we as fathers can tune into one, our God, two, ourselves and three our spouse and our children, and then the rest right, our bodies and our family members and our coworkers, but tuning into me just seems like it's like that radio frequency.
Speaker 3:A lot of us are hearing a lot of buzz and a lot of noise because we're not exactly trying to hear God's word. Uh, we may not be hearing our spouse, you know, when they're saying that things are frustrating or that they're having a hard time and or one of those four things, the slap. Um, we probably haven't been hearing what they need. Uh, maybe our empathy isn't as strong as it could be because our spouses are they're working, in my opinion, harder than we are, especially if they're at home taking care of kids, like that's. That's a pretty intense job and it's divine. What mothers can do, and and their ability is, is beautiful as a nurturing mother, taking care of your, of our own children, and to be able to have that, that respect and that care for our spouse and what they are capable of doing, that we as men are not built in the same ways, and so you know this may not be politically correct, but the divine masculine and the divine feminine create this incredible polarity and where we get in trouble a lot in relationships, and especially in today's day where the media has created an emasculated man, you know men are being made fun of, men are being belittled. It's the women power movement. It's, and don't get me wrong, I am a full supporter of women and conquering the world, but if my opinion and the studies that I've been going through is is if a woman is in her masculine we both have masculine and feminine inside of us A true masculine man will act mostly in his masculine but has the ability, like Christ, to be feminine in a way of caring and being kind and loving, because those are some more feminine characteristics, you know being the protector and the provider. Those are more commonly, you know, understood as masculine. And being in the singles world. Now, I've noticed these single women who are forced to be in their masculine more because they're taking care of things at home, they're getting out there and they're working, they're taking care of all the things in their home because they don't have a man there with them to do some of these things. And to not say that they're not capable, of course they are. I mean, the reality is God probably made them stronger than us. That's why they have kids and we can't right. That kind of a thing is so difficult and so hard. You know we struggle if we have a kidney stone and they're, they're giving birth to our children, um, but what's interesting is this polarity? Um, I found myself becoming not. I was subconsciously doing this because I didn't know any of this stuff, uh, and so why I want to share it so much? Because I want men to understand that there are things called masculinity and femininity. There is this thing called polarity.
Speaker 3:I started acting more in my feminine, unbeknownst to me. I didn't realize it. And, um, and what happened was, uh, there was a more masculine, you know, over on this other side and I was in more, more feminine. The more that I was acting in a feminine, I was uncomfortable with it. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't. Something was just wrong inherently inside.
Speaker 3:And as a woman acting more in her masculine, she will also feel just something's wrong, something's off, because it's not their true nature. And look, you can go to work and be boss, babe, and just go crush it, but you need to be able to come home and fall into more of that feminine design. And if you don't have that, something's going to feel off inside and it's going to create problems within a relationship. And so, as you know, listeners, uh, if you do this study and if you look into, um, there's even masculine and femininecom. If there's some great resources there it's not mine, it's good friends of mine who've put this together um, that we can learn more about how we can become truly, um, divinely masculine men. Uh will will recognize and see the difference in that, allowing our feminine partners to fall into that feminine piece where they feel heard, they feel seen, they feel understood, um, they feel protected, they feel, um, provided for.
Speaker 3:And um, I think, uh, a lot of us getting stuck where we go to work every day, we, you know, go slay the dragon and then we come home and we flip on the TV or we we get distracted on social media or we go on hangout with our, our boys, you know, look, doing that every once in a while. That's not a problem, that's that's really not a problem, um, but if you're avoiding, when you come home, leading in the home, that's a problem. And um, and women will find, you know, that they become more resentful. They've been working their tails off all day. They need somebody to come home and lead, lead in the home. Kids, we're going to do this activity. Let's go do this together. Hey, I can help with the dinner and the dishes. I can change diapers too. Right, this is a joint effort here.
Speaker 2:I can change diapers too, right, this is a joint effort here. I think one of the most magical things that we did when I was, when our kids were little, was my wife was doing that. We had four kids. We had three kids, two and a half and under and bath time was mine, like I could be gone all day working, providing and she's home taking care of these little kids.
Speaker 2:But bath time belonged to dad and that was when she was able to have a minute for herself, right, and I was in the bathroom or at the sink bathing the baby. That was connection time with with my kids, but it also enabled her, like this time where she was like I know that I get a break at the end, right before I have to feed them again, but right before then I know I've got this break and it was every day and it was like kind of a non-negotiable, understood, didn't have to ask me, it was was just my job. When I came home that was me. Oh, I love that and that really, I think, helped us get us through that.
Speaker 3:Consistency as a man, and part of our divine masculine is being consistent and being accountable. So when we forget to take out the trash, sometimes we come up with excuses for oh, I was tired, I was late, I did this, or you forgot to bring the milk home. I mean, how many of us have have? Here's the list. You go get everything and you miss one thing. Sometimes we end up giving excuses right, or we take it personally, like how, how dare you? I mean, I've I did all these other things. Uh, yeah, I messed up on here, but come on, um, you know, I think if we can respond in in more of a, a wise and open and leadership driven way, um, it's, uh, you know it, and this is an acronym is wolf. So you're wise, you're open, you you lead and you're fierce, like that's. That's some of the characteristics of a true man.
Speaker 3:Um, if we defend or explain or give excuses oh, and now I'm forgetting the R oh, that's horrible. Dear, dear is the other acronym for us to act in our feminine. It's going to come to me, but if you can remember some of those pieces, if you Google this, you'd find it, because these aren't my words. The Way of the Superior man is another book that you can read and might, might, help with that. But, um, wise, open, lead and be fierce. Uh, hopefully we'll help us to like remember and think about it. I know for me, when I was acting more of my feminine, I would take things personally.
Speaker 3:I would, uh, I would be defensive, um if I was being called out on something, and so I was doing exactly what this deer, you know, magnet. I was giving excuses, I was trying to explain myself away, I was being defensive, and that's not what a woman wants to hear. That's, she wants to hear full accountability, and most of the time, we shy away from that, and so I think it's helpful for people to be able to remember. When we make mistakes, let's be accountable for it when we're leading. Instead of having her choose the restaurant, well, why don't you choose two? And you suggest those two on your next date? Right, I know she might love planning the vacation, but what if you took the lead? And what if you did a little bit of research beforehand and proposed maybe two or three options? It's little things like this that we can do better.
Speaker 3:So I'm writing a book. It's called Fatherhood and Entrepreneurship and really, because that's been my life, that and faith, right, and so it's. It's. It is a Christ-centered, you know, faith-based book, not of one religion or anything like that, but it's uh. The hope is that, um, I can focus on this book of taking what we do here at work, uh, on a daily basis, where, where we have KPIs uh, you know key performance indicators, we've got metrics, we've got one-on-ones, we we do interviews, we have conferences, we have mottos, mission, vision, values. We do all of this amazing work, setup and process here at work, but we don't have that at our home. Why not? I mean, we're experts at our craft, we're building these companies, we're changing lives, we're making impacts, but the most important thing we can do in our whole existence is in the home, and so I'm creating a resource and a guide with this book to be able to help people have a very clear process to take the things that we've done at work and let's implement them here in the home.
Speaker 3:We can do one-on-one interviews with our kids. We should probably do them with our spouse in a date night. We can set up conferences and go on vacations with our families and make it intentional, you know having we do something called tuck in time at night and it's where, you know, one of the children gets 15 more minutes than any other kid alone with a parent, and they look forward to it. We rotate, you know. So they, you know, every, every day, it's another kid and but that intentionality of just doing something and don't just go flip on the TV and watch a show.
Speaker 3:That's something that can happen anytime. It's something that's intentional. You go to a game, you have a talk, you play some music together, you go on a walk. Sometimes we play giant Jenga. Whatever it is that these kids want to do is just a special moment that you can have. But but it takes intentionality to do that, it takes planning. It's easier to just flip on a show and just everybody let's watch a show at the end of the night, cause you're exhausted, she's exhausted, the kids are probably exhausted.
Speaker 3:Um, but there's little things like that, that you can do, and uh, you can have a family motto. You can have a family mission vision, values.
Speaker 3:You know there's this distinct. There's a friend of mine named Mike Allen who's helped me walk through this process and it's almost like building a family crest, and I'll walk through this in the book with Mike's permission, and he has this. Just, he guides you through this and you look at all these different words, these keywords, and you select what are the top 10 keywords that you want your family to be about, and you know it might be integrity, it might be adventure, it might be love, you know it might be peace or, um, humor. You know there's all these different words that you can pick and uh, and then, as you think about, just just like you would when you're building a company, you would think about, like, what do we want to be known for? What's the legacy we want to leave? You know what impact can we have on our customers? Why aren't we thinking this with our families? Oh, it just seems like something that comes so naturally in the workplace. And so fatherhood and entrepreneurship, I hope, will be a resource and a guide to help us all be able to come home and just lead with a little bit more intention. Uh, give our spouses a little bit more of a break, because we're coming in with more leadership.
Speaker 3:Um, I believe that, uh, we as men need to lead more in that relationship, in the home, and, um, that the woman will manage, uh, that home a little bit more than maybe we do. So leading and managing, I think, are slightly different, Especially when you talk about the relationship that you have as a, as a spouse. We can lead in that in that way, and she can help manage it. And when I say manage, you know those four slaps we talked about at the very beginning. That's her managing the relationship, where she comes in and gives you a warning.
Speaker 3:Um, she might not even truly understand the depths of what that even means, but subconsciously she's trying to let you know. And, uh, I think all of us have had some kind of wake up calls in our lives and maybe we recognize it or didn't. Um, uh, but now's your sign. Here's your sign, If you're listening tonight or today. Here's your sign that, uh, we can all do better and let's make it a little more intentional, and we can lead and become that masculine, that divine masculine man that we're meant to be.
Speaker 2:Man put a bow on that. That was awesome. He's not reading a teleprompter, he's just really, really well-spoken. I have a question for you?
Speaker 1:because you went pretty introspective as soon as you had the slap on the face. Let's call it Um. Was that auto for you? Because I see a lot of my friends who major things happen in their life, whether it's a parent who dies, or it's a divorce, or it's a child who's get sick. There's bad stuff that happens to us, right, and you kind of see one of two things. It seems like people go introspective, closer to God, hang on to family. Um, you know what you know? Really humble or screw this Like I'm going to completely change my life. I'm going to go off the deep end for a while on purpose, and so why did you choose the introspective? I'm going to think about who I am and who I could become, and become better and tap into a higher source. Why and was that auto for you and what advice would you give to people who are in that moment in time?
Speaker 3:Oh man, you know, I hear that, and you're 100% right that, and you're a hundred percent right that people tend to go one way or the other and my heart breaks for those who go off. You know, like you said, the deep end and I've watched people do the same and they become bitter and they become angry, and I knew I did not want to become bitter. That you know. Uh, I needed to have relationships moving forward, even if it was hard, and becoming bitter and angry was not going to be conducive for that Um, and I have eight really good reasons to not have that Um, and so that was, that was probably one of my core pieces.
Speaker 3:Now I'd be I'd be lying if I didn't say that I feel like God had helped prepare me slightly for this, and it was my, I mean, the reality was my relationship with God before this happened that helped me to be more introspective. There's something that I think I should share. I feel like I should share oh, let me see if I can share. I think I should share. I feel like I should share, oh, let me see if I can share it.
Speaker 3:I think I can share it. Um, so the the the day that, um, I was asked to get divorced, um, I was inside worshiping at this temple that I talked about, and, um, I kept hearing, uh, these words on my, in my mind I'm sorry, probably going to get emotional and the words that kept coming were I love you enough to let you go. And I was in this place worshiping and I was like what is this? This is ridiculous. Why are these words coming to my mind? We're nothing, we're good, like. Everything was like.
Speaker 3:So I kept throwing it out, pushing it out, and it kept coming back over and over again. I was in there for almost two hours and it just kept coming. I love you enough to let you go. And this feeling just was like was seared into my soul. And so, as I walked out of that place of worship, that sacred place, and I hopped in my car I was still in the parking lot and got on the Zoom call with our therapist at the time, and so the words came that the decision to get divorced First words out of my mouth were the exact words that I was given.
Speaker 3:I love you enough to let you go. I mean, it tasted like vinegar to say those words.
Speaker 3:But God loves us so much, he cares so much and he knows each one of us individually. He knows our hearts, he knows our desires, he knows what's going on in your life, he knows the pain, he knows your sorrow, he knows your happiness and um, and that to me was just a, was a pure miracle, um, that I didn't, you know, while I was in that sacred place, I had no idea, I just kept shoving it out, um, but it was that miracle.
Speaker 3:Um, and there's been many of these tender mercies and miracles that have come along the way, and there's been many of these tender mercies and miracles that have come along the way that I know he knows me individually as Bubba. He's probably laughing when he says that, and I think if you're- hearing this.
Speaker 3:I would hope that you take this moment to be able to connect with your God. However you do that, and that you state and start to talk to him in a way that you haven't spoken to him before. And if you're bitter and angry, already recognize that anger and bitterness never leads to happiness and it'll only hurt yourself, it'll only hurt the people around you, and there is someone who wants you to do that and that doesn't come from God. And if you recognize that you're at war and we are, as men, warriors, well, we need to remember we are warriors for our God. And that other person, that other being wants to do anything in his power to create misery for us, because he is miserable and he'll lie, he'll deceive, he'll do everything to make you think that that bitterness and anger will make it better. We'll make it right, even if you were wronged.
Speaker 3:But the true level of happiness is when we can have charity, and that charity is the true love of Christ. And if we can have that, even for the people who have hurt us the most, that is more of a Christ-like, divine, masculine role. And I can promise you that you'll have much more joy and happiness in your life when you choose to lean on God and become, instead of bitter, become better. And for me, I'm just so grateful. I can now look back at this last year and, although it was one hell of a year, like I mentioned, I am grateful for this that I've gone through. Now I wouldn't wish it on a soul, but because of God's direction and guidance and um, and peace and help throughout this process, um, I am grateful for it and and I feel compelled to share some of the story with others, because I think a lot of us men in particular, um, we've just held this inside and we're walking around, sometimes as a shell of a man, and we're not telling anybody.
Speaker 3:It's embarrassing, we don't, you know, we don't think it's confidence to tell people we might be struggling or to see a therapist to get some counseling, to go to a men's retreat and open up your soul, because we're men, we don't get hurt.
Speaker 3:You know we don't have sad emotions, um, and the reality is, I think the true divine masculine can feel those emotions and can process emotions, um, and if we don't, we're leaning on that more toxic masculine. So I just would plead for men out there to hear that God is your answer and whoever that means to you. That is your answer. And if you're confused on what to do, prayer is the number one easiest thing any of us can do anywhere at any time, and it doesn't have to be complicated.
Speaker 1:It doesn't have to be memorized.
Speaker 3:Just talk to him like he's your best friend, like he's your father. He is um for me. I found solace in scripture Um and and if you read with sincerity of heart, there will be things that come out and speak to you. Um and, and I believe God speaks to us through those scriptures a lot of times and um, and if we're listening, we can hear those, those promptings, um, and then, when you hear it, it's our job to act on it and it's I look at it as like an upward spiral. When we respond to these inspired thoughts, he's going to give us more and more of these inspired thoughts and the closer we get to God, and when we don't, it's a downward spiral. And the more times we don't listen and the more times we don't act, we become further away from God.
Speaker 3:And some of you might feel very far away from God today. If you're listening to this and you feel far away, just know his hand, his arm, is outstretched. It doesn't matter how far, it doesn't matter what you've done, doesn't matter where you've been. His arm is always outstretched to you and it's just up to you to reach out. And again, it doesn't matter where you've been, what you've done.
Speaker 1:His arm is there.
Speaker 3:And if you can reach out, you guys.
Speaker 1:I didn't realize it'd be preaching this was we just went to church, I guess I don't know. I didn't realize that was where I was going to go, that's the key, but thanks for letting me share this.
Speaker 3:This is definitely something that's near and dear to my heart, and I hope it can just touch even just one other man out there to help them on their journey.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and one of the things that you'll be happy to know is that half of our listenership is female.
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. And that speaks to, I think, a lot of you know if they're searching for something in their life that maybe needs some work. You know like they wish a gentleman in their life shows up, or they need men to show up in a different way for them. I think that they are going to get value out of what you said today as well. So thank you for for being with us. Thank you for you know sharing your side of the story and and in your journey through Dive In Deep, through a difficult year. We're looking forward, as the Gentleman Project, to helping more fathers through your initiatives, looking forward to seeing how we can collaborate together For sure. So stay tuned for some of that For our regular listeners. Thank you very much for spending the time in long form media to be with us today and devoting some of your precious time today in listening to Bubba, and we always end the podcast with one question, and that is what you think it means to be a gentleman.
Speaker 3:Okay. What I think it means to be a true gentleman is to find a way to tap into that divine masculine. I think a gentleman we're going to try and be as Christ-like as possible. That still means we're a warrior. It still means we provide and we protect. We're not weak. That's not a gentleman. But we can also be kind and we can be loving and caring. So that would be my, my definition.
Speaker 2:Thanks, it goes right along with what you preached today. Thank you, my friend.
Speaker 3:I love you guys, it's just so good.
Speaker 2:I think that's going to help a lot of people and appreciate your openness and your, your authenticity today.
Speaker 1:You did a great job. Thanks, guys. Really good Tears had to come.
Speaker 3:I didn't realize it was going to come. There you go.
Speaker 2:So, for all you listeners out there, if you felt the prompting today to share this message with somebody, uh, I encourage you to act on each good thought and share that with the person that popped into your head and let them know that you love them, that you thought about them, that you're thinking about them, and we'll make it a great day.
Speaker 3:I love that. If you want to get connected, I'd be happy to If there are people here. Linkedin is a great place. There's not too many Bubba's on there. Bubba page. Instagram is definitely an easy place as well.
Speaker 2:So I want to share your handles.
Speaker 3:Bubba page, just that's it.
Speaker 1:Just my name. Well, thanks everybody.
Speaker 2:It's a very easy name to remember. It is I like Bubba. Is it the real name, brant? Brant is my name, but as a fat baby the name stuck.
Speaker 3:I've been called Bubba my whole life. Isn't that crazy, it's?
Speaker 1:endearing though it is, it works Endearing for an endearing guy. Thank you for your time.
Speaker 3:I love it, appreciate it guys.
Speaker 2:Thanks everybody. I'm Kirk Chug and I'm Corey Moore. Have a great day.
